Florida Women's Law Group - October 2021

Florida Women's Law Group - October 2021

the

WOMEN’S

Advocate

October 2021

Lily Starts Her College Adventure IT’S SO HARD TO SAY GOODBYE

You might remember from a few months ago that my oldest daughter, Lily, recently graduated from high school. Since then, the big day every parent dreads — move-in day at college — has come and gone. I remember when my own mother dropped me off at college many years ago. I can’t say I was very sensitive to her feelings at the time. She was crying, and I was trying to push her out the door. There were parties to go to! Thankfully, my own daughter is much sweeter and more compassionate than I was at her age. I tried to approach moving day with a positive attitude. We loaded up the car that morning with the whole family (including the dog) and drove the 4 1/2 hours to South Carolina. It was the week before classes started, but orientation was happening along with rush for her sorority of choice. We got her settled before orientation and then went off and did our own thing for the rest of the day. We stayed nearby overnight because of the distance and to provide additional support. If Lily had wanted us to go, we would have, but she seemed to appreciate our sticking around. We

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she doesn’t do so very often. That’s okay — we don’t want her waiting in her dorm room for us to call. This time in her life will only happen once, and I want her to have a blast. As sad as I am, I also know my time as a parent is spent trying to prepare my kids for this exact moment. This is the way it’s supposed to happen and a sign I’ve done my job right. Other parents have assured me the process gets easier with each kid, but each child is unique. So, of course, I’ll miss individual things about each of them when they move out. Maybe it doesn’t get any easier, only different. Lily is having a great time at school and has even been back home once for Labor Day. She seemed happy to be here, but probably not as happy as I was to have her. Saying goodbye was easier the second time around. And while we’re still getting used to having only four of us at dinner, Lily’s seat will always be there for her.

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saw her again the next morning, and she was so excited about how the previous day had gone. As we were saying our goodbyes, my other daughter got more emotional than I did.

“As sad as I am, I also know my time as a parent is spent trying to prepare my kids for this exact moment.”

But it f inally sunk in once we were settled back at home. I saw a car drive past the window, and I realized it wasn’t going to be Lily. For the next several days, I spent a lot of time crying. I’m doing a lot better now. Thankfully, modern technology has given us FaceTime. When our family sits down for dinner, we’re available for Lily to virtually join us, though, unsurprisingly,

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DISENGAGE FROM THE DRAMA. Narcissists love drama; do your best to not give them any. If you stay calm, a narcissist will quickly lose interest, so refuse to engage and let their insults roll off your back. Do not share details about your personal life and decline to listen to details about theirs. Discuss nothing but your child(ren) and point to your parenting plan if they try to draw you into an unnecessary conversation. The less emotional you are, the more bored they will get. MAKE AND ENFORCE BOUNDARIES. Narcissists love to push boundaries and see what they can get away with, so you need to show them you mean business. Create a parenting schedule with more detail than seems necessary; it will give your co-parent less room to wiggle out of an agreement. Also, engage in only necessary communication and do so via email or text so you have documentation if you need it later. If they try to call you for a non-emergency, remind them of the plan and hang up. Never give a narcissist an inch, or else they’ll take a mile. BE THE BETTER PERSON. Constantly turning the other cheek can make you feel like a doormat, but learning to rise above your co-parent’s narcissism will benefit your child. As impossible as it can feel when your ex is constantly bad-mouthing you, avoid saying negative things about them in front of your kid(s). Children eventually learn how to tell when their parents’ words and actions don’t line up, and they’ll appreciate you for not putting them in the middle. If the above tips don’t work and your co-parent continually violates your parenting plan, it may be time to go back to court. Your ex will lie to get what they want, so make sure you have the best representation on your side. Call the Florida Women’s Law Group today for a consultation.

While Maintaining Your Sanity CO-PARENTINGWITH A NARCISSIST

Co-parenting is often difficult, but if your ex is a narcissist, you’re automatically playing on hard mode. Narcissists are arrogant, self-centered, and entitled. They thrive off conf lict and will not hesitate to manipulate other people to get what they want. They’re also charming and hide their worst qualities from all but the people they’re closest to. Effectively co-parenting with such a person will never be easy, but you can maintain your sanity with these tips — and some practice.

5 Low-Tech Tips for Lighting Your Jack-o’-Lanterns Halloween is almost here, and you know what that means: home-carved jack-o’-lanterns! Turning pumpkins into decor is an ancient tradition, but as any experienced carver knows, using real candles inside them can be frustrating. Cooking pumpkins, unstable candles, and accidental burns are just a few of the issues that often crop up. To avoid them this Halloween, try these five tips. 4. LIGHT UP AT THE RIGHT MOMENT. The easiest way to prevent burns is to light your candle at the right time and with the right method. If you like to hollow your pumpkins out from the bottom, light your candle first then place the pumpkin over it to prevent burns. If you hollow your pumpkins from the top, remove the “lid,” place the unlit candle inside, then light it with a long lighter or fireplace match.

1. CHOOSE YOUR CANDLE WISELY. According to the San Francisco Chronicle, it’s best to choose a candle that is at least an inch shorter than the hollow space inside of your pumpkin. To achieve this, you can buy long candles and trim them to size or learn to make your own from the book “Beeswax Alchemy” by Petra Ahnert. 2. CREATE BUILT-IN STABILITY. There’s nothing less festive than a jack-o’-lantern going dark because its candle has tipped over. To prevent that, carve a depression into the f loor of the pumpkin that’s the same shape and size as the base of your candle. Then, drop the candle in! This simple trick will hold it in place. 3. GO BOTTOMLESS. Another option that will solve the toppling candle problem is hollowing out your pumpkin from the bottom instead of cutting a lid out of the top. If you do that, you can set up and light your candle first, then place the jack-o’-lantern over it. As long as your pumpkin is on a hard, level surface, your candle should be stable.

5. Don’t forget the chimney hole. To prevent heat and smoke from building up inside of your pumpkin and cooking it slowly, light up your candle and peek inside to see which spot on the top is warming up the fastest. Then, cut out a notch or “chimney hole” in that spot to let the heat escape.

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“My mother told me to be a lady. And for her, that meant be your own person, be independent.”

–Ruth Bader Ginsburg

WORKING OUT TO FACE LIFE’S CHALLENGES Meet Personal Trainer Caroline Jenney

Three years ago, Caroline faced an unimaginable tragedy when her oldest child Austen died in a car accident. “If I hadn’t had the relationship with myself through fitness and well-being, I don’t know if I would have been able to survive that,” she says. “It also put my marriage of 30 years into perspective. We did not have the foundation to survive losing a child.” While Heather at FWLG didn’t handle Caroline’s divorce case, she did provide some much-needed guidance after the fact. “I really like the team at FWLG because they’re about empowering women,” Caroline says. “When women go through a divorce, it’s really emotionally draining, and there’s a deep grieving. One of their liaisons, Susan Birch, was instrumental in helping me through that.” For Caroline, it’s not just about being physical its also about balance and well-being. She encourages people to create a sacred space, an altar of some kind to meditate and quiet the mind on a daily basis. “ So many of us identify who we are by our thoughts.” By quieting our minds, we can be at one with ourselves and feel who we really are. She also notes that exercise replenishes serotonin, improving mood and overall well-being. Most importantly, she promises, “All relationships become more positive, including the one with yourself when you feel good both physically and mentally.” For more information about Caroline’s services, call 904-465-7861, email CarolineJenneyFitness555@gmail, or visit her Instagram @CaroJenneyFitness.

Caroline became interested in fitness during her senior year of college when her boyfriend broke up with her. “I thought if I get into great shape, he’d want me back. That

thought sickens me today, but it was the best lesson I could have had, for it began my journey in fitness. I started by becoming an avid runner, and then as a mother of four and 20 years later, I decided to hire a personal trainer when my youngest went to kindergarten. I wanted to become more knowledgeable about strength training. I asked to be hired on once my trainer announced he was starting his own training company, and the rest is history.” Caroline got her trainer’s licensing and certifications in 2007. In 2008, she began bodybuilding and competed for five years. She qualified for nationals twice but chose to step away from competing due to family concerns. Her husband at the time worked a lot, and her first goal was to focus on her children who were little. “I had a detached husband,” she remembers, “and my first goal was to focus on my children. I slowed down a bit and started personal training with a steady clientele.” Caroline now works out of two gyms, Meridian Fitness in Ponte Vedra and Focus Fitness in Jacksonville Beach, where she does both group and one-on-one sessions. Her clientele includes teenage athletes, corporate men and women, and retirees, and Caroline is comfortable with them all. “Everyone’s body is different,” she says. “I want to focus on what each person’s goals are.”

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Inside

Heather’s Oldest Goes to College

Help for Co-Parenting With a Narcissist

3 Low-Tech Tips for Lighting Your Jack-o’-Lanterns

Meet Personal Trainer Caroline Jenney

Cooking Sustainably 101

REDUCING FOODWASTE

Making Sure Your Food Is Sustainably Sourced

Waste not, want not! It is the optimal motto to live by. However, food waste happens to all of us. That bag of lettuce you bought last week sat untouched in your fridge and has gone mushy and bad — into the trash it goes. Reducing your “foodprint” is just one of many ways each of us can make a difference when it comes to reducing our impact on the environment. Curtailing food waste is an important part of learning to cook sustainably. Cooking at home allows you to take control of food waste, whereas, eating out leaves many question marks when it comes to preparation, sourcing, and packaging that takes place at restaurants.

Let’s take a peek at some ways to reduce food waste.

SHOP FOR ONLY WHAT YOU NEED. Reducing food waste all starts with your trip to the grocery store. If you don’t buy it, it won’t be wasted on your watch! Although buying in bulk comes along with a convenience factor, it can also lead to more waste. Making a list of items that you need and planning out your snacks and meals is a sure way to ensure that waste is minimized. USE THE ENTIRE PLANT, STEM TO LEAF. Instead of cutting off the broccoli stems and dumping them in the trash, use the whole vegetable and f ind new uses for the parts that normally get thrown away. You’re maximizing money spent while also reducing waste. The broccoli stalks can be pickled or chopped up and used as crunchy salad additions or veggie stock base! When it comes to other foods, doing 4 Florida Women’s Law Group | 904-549-6553

some quick research on uses for the parts that normally get thrown out may open up your options.

STORE IT RIGHT. Proper food storage leads to less food waste. Did you know that tomatoes, potatoes, and garlic really shouldn’t be refrigerated? For many, this is a common mistake. Ethylene, a gaseous chemical that helps start the ripening process and is produced by many foods​, should also be taken into consideration. It is essential to separate foods that give off more ethylene gas from those that do not to reduce the risk of spoiling. For more information, check with your local farmers market. They are sure to have great tips to share!

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