Helping Children Deal With Bullies

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HELPING CHILDREN DEAL WITH BULLIES

A bully can turn something like going to the bus stop or recess into a nightmare for kids. Bullying can leave deep emotional scars. And in extreme situations, it can involve violent threats, property damage, or someone getting seriously hurt. If your child is being bullied, youwant to act to help stop it, if possible. In addition, there are ways to help your child cope with teasing, bullying, or mean gossip, and lessen its lasting impact. And even if bullying isn't an issue right in your house right now, it's important to discuss it so your kids will be prepared if it does happen. Identifying Bullying Most kids have been teased by a sibling or a friend at some point. And it's not usually harmful when done in a playful, friendly, and mutual way, and both kids find it funny. But when teasing becomes hurtful, unkind, and constant, it crosses the line into bullying and needs to stop. Bullying is intentional tormenting in physical, verbal, or psychological ways. It can range from hitting, shoving, name-calling, threats, and mocking to extorting money and possessions. Some kids bully by shunning others and spreading rumors about them. Others use social media or electronic messaging to taunt others or hurt their feelings. It's important to take bullying seriously and not just brush it off as something that kids have to "tough out." The effects can be serious and affect kids' sense of safety and self-worth. In severe

cases, bullying has contributed to tragedies, such as suicides and school shootings. Why Kids Bully Kids bully for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they pick on kids because they need a victim— someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker, or just acts or appears different in some way — to feel more important, popular, or in control. Although some bullies are bigger or stronger than their victims, that's not always the case. Sometimes kids torment others because that's the way they've been treated. They may think their behavior is normal because they come from families or other settings where everyone regularly gets angry and shouts or calls each other names. Some popular TV shows even seem to promote meanness —people are "voted off," shunned, or ridiculed for their appearance or lack of talent. Signs of Bullying Unless your child tells you about bullying—or has visible bruises or injuries — it can be difficult to figure out if it's happening. But there are some warning signs. Parents might notice kids acting differently or seeming anxious, or not eating, sleeping well, or doing the things they usually enjoy. When kids seem moodier or more easily upset than usual, or when they start

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avoiding certain situations (like taking the bus to school), it might be because of a bully. If you suspect bullying but your child is reluctant to open up, find opportunities to bring up the issue in a more roundabout way. For instance, you might see a situation on a TV show and use it as a conversation starter by asking, "What do you think of this?" or "What do you think that person should have done?" This might lead to questions like: "Have you ever seen this happen?" or "Have you ever experienced this?" You might want to talk about any experiences you or another family member had at that age. Let your kids know that if they're being bullied or harassed — or see it happening to someone else — it's important to talk to someone about it, whether it's you, another adult (a teacher, school counselor, or family friend), or a sibling. Helping Kids If your child tells you about being bullied, listen calmly and offer comfort and support. Kids are often reluctant to tell adults about bullying because they feel embarrassed and ashamed that it's happening, or worry that their parents will be disappointed, upset, angry, or reactive. Sometimes kids feel like it's their own fault, that if they looked or acted differently it wouldn't be happening. Sometimes they're scared that if the bully finds out that they told, it will get worse. Others areworried that their parentswon't believe themor do anything about it. Or kids worry that their parents will urge them to fight back when they're scared to. Praise your child for doing the right thing by talking to you about it. Remind your child that he or she isn't alone — a lot of people get bullied at some point. Emphasize that it's the bully who is behaving badly —not your child. Reassure your child that you will figure out what to do about it together. Let someone at school (the principal, school nurse, or a counselor or teacher) know about the situation. They are often in a position to monitor and take steps to prevent further problems. Because the term "bullying" might be used to describe such awide range of situations, there's no one-size-fits all approach. What is advisable in one situation may not be appropriate in another. Many factors — such as the age of the kids involved, the severity of the situation, and the specific type of bullying behaviors —will help determine the best course of action. Take it seriously if you hear that the bullying will get worse if the bully finds out that your child told or if threats of physical harm are involved. Sometimes it's useful to approach the bully's parents. But in most cases, teachers or counselors are the best ones to contact first. If you've tried thosemethods and still want to speak to the bullying child's parents, it's best to do so in a context where a school official, such as a counselor, canmediate. Most schools have bullying policies and anti-bullying programs. In addition, many states have bullying laws and policies. Find out about the laws in your community. In certain cases, if you have serious concerns about your child's safety, you may need to contact legal authorities.

Advice for Kids Parents can help kids learn how to deal with bullying if it happens. For some parents, it may be tempting to tell a kid to fight back. After all, you're angry that your child is suffering and maybe you were told to "stand up for yourself" when you were young. Or you may worry that your child will continue to suffer at the hands of the bully, and think that fighting back is the only way to put a bully in his or her place. But it's important to advise kids not to respond to bullying by fighting or bullying back. It can quickly escalate into violence, trouble, and someone getting injured. Instead, it's best to walk away from the situation, hang out with others, and tell an adult. Here are some other strategies to discuss with kids that can help improve the situation and make them feel better: • Avoid the bully and use the buddy system. Use a different bathroom if a bully is nearby and don't go to your locker when there is nobody around. Make sure you have someone with you so that you're not alone with the bully. Buddy up with a friend on the bus, in the hallways, or at recess — wherever the bully is. Offer to do the same for a friend. • Hold the anger. It's natural to get upset by the bully, but that's what bullies thrive on. Itmakes them feel more powerful. Practice not reacting by crying or looking red or upset. It takes a lot of practice, but it's a useful skill for keeping off of a bully's radar. Sometimes kids find it useful to practice "cool down" strategies such as counting to 10, writing down their angry words, taking deep breaths, or walking away. Sometimes the best thing to do is to teach kids to wear a "poker face" until they are clear of any danger (smiling or laughing may provoke the bully). • Act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully. Firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop, then walk away. Practice ways to ignore the hurtful remarks, like acting uninterested or texting someone on your cell phone. By ignoring the bully, you're showing that you don't care. Eventually, the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you. • Tell an adult. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom personnel at school can all help stop bullying. • Talk about it. Talk to someone you trust, such as a guidance counselor, teacher, sibling, or friend. Theymay offer some helpful suggestions, and even if they can't fix the situation, it may help you feel a little less alone. Restoring Confidence Dealing with bullying can erode a child's confidence. To help restore it, encourage your kids to spend time with friends who have a positive influence. Participation in clubs, sports, or other enjoyable activities builds strength and friendships. Provide a listening ear about difficult situations, but encourage your kids to also tell you about the good parts of their day, and listen equally attentively. Make sure they know you believe in them and that you'll do what you can to address any bullying that occurs.

Written by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD

Success Stories "Prior to starting therapy, Hadley had a violent reaction when she didn’t get her way. She has been in therapy for 6-7 months and has had no violent behavior for the last couple of months. We are so proud of how far she has come!" - M.T. "Matthew was having so many melt downs and over-reacting to some things when we started. His volume control was out of control. Since we have been here, he has learned to identify when he is in a situation where he may over-react, calms down much faster, and reacts to changes and negative situations with a smile. We can now work on his voice volume and lower it as needed. During the holidays his Nana said she could see how hard he was working and a big difference in his responses when around family members. Especially when around all the excitement of big family dinners with lots of noises and activities! The tools and resources we have learned to use have been invaluable in making this progress!" -T.E.

Meet Our NEW Occupational Therapist!

Superstar Award Our Superstar Award this month goes to Xander B.

Gladys Harms, M.S., OTR/L received her undergraduate degree in psychology at Harding University in 2005 and then graduated with a master’s degree in Occupational Therapy at Texas Woman’s University in 2010. Upon graduation, Gladys worked within various

CONTACT US TODAY FOR A FREE PEDIATRIC CONSULTATION TO FURTHER ASSESS YOUR CHILD'S NEEDS (615) 377-1623 | [email protected] pediatric in-patient and out-patient settings. Gladys has experience with treating children with autism, cerebral palsy, developmental delays, Down syndrome, fine and visual motor delays, orthopedic injuries, and sensory processing disorders. Gladys has received training with the Handwriting Without Tears and First Strokes programs and has experience with splinting and sensory diet implementation. Gladys lives inMurfreesboro with her husband Josh and two children Jonathan and Olivia. She enjoys spending time with her family, hiking, photography, and reading.

Xander is such a sweet boy! He has the best smile and laugh! He comes to therapy in a good mood and works so hard without complaining. His family is devoted to himand are such an important part of his team. It makes our day when we see him!

Do You Notice Your Child Struggling With... • Speech or language delays? • Gross or fine motor or other physical challenges? • Social skills, play and interaction? • Sensory or self regulation challenges? • Self care difficulties such as feeding or dressing?

Activities

PUFFY PAINT What you’ll need: • Shaving Cream • White School Glue • Food Coloring What to do:

4. Add a few drops of food coloring to the mixture. Keep in mind, that as the puffy paint dries, the color will get darker, so don’t be too worried if it looks too light at this point. Add about 10 to 15 drops of food coloring into each of your colors.

1. Mix equal amounts of shaving cream and white glue until you have the texture you want. 2. Pour a generous amount of the white glue into a small bowl or container. 3. Add an equal amount of shaving cream to the bowl. Just guess with it. You can’t really mess it up.

5. Repeat the process for as many colors as you’d like.

Source: http://onelittleproject.com/how-to-make-puffy-paint/2/

WEIRD! : A STORY ABOUT DEALING WITH BULLYING IN SCHOOLS (THE WEIRD! SERIES) by Paula Heaphy Luisa is repeatedly teased and called "weird" by her classmate Sam, even though she is simply being herself—laughing with her friends, answering questions in class, greeting her father in Spanish, and wearing her favorite polka-dot boots. Luisa initially reacts to the bullying by withdrawing and hiding her colorful nature. But with the support of her teachers, parents, classmates, and one special friend named Jayla, she is able to reclaim her color and resist Sam’s put-downs.

WIN A $30 GIFT CERTIFICATE! Families that have perfect attendance for the month of February will be entered into a drawing for a $30 gift certificate at the end of the month. If you attend multiple therapies, you will have multiple chances to win! Get more details from our front desk.

Helping Your Child Make & Keep Friends

Helping Children Navigate Social Situations Despite our best efforts to teach them, our children may still need help learning to take turns or accepting the ideas of others. As eager as we may be for them to succeed, here are some suggestion fromRichard Lavoie, author of Teacher's Guide: Last One Picked...First One Picked On, when coaching our children about social situations. • Encourage children to make friends with kids who are a year or two younger. Although the children are different ages, they may be at a similar developmental level. By befriending younger children, your childmay enjoy a degree of status and acceptance that he does not experience among his peers. • Give children the opportunity to opt out when they do not want to participate in large groups play activities. • Avoid highly charged competitive situations for young children. Competitive sports or other activities are often a source of great anxiety and failure for children trying to make friends. Parents should focus on participation, enjoyment, contribution, and satisfaction in competitive activities. • Listen to children as they share about difficulties during a social situation and discuss optional strategies without judgement or punishment.

Whether you have a shy child or outgoing one, it can be challenging for children tomake new friends and navigate social situations on their own. Though it's not a good idea tomanage every aspect of your children's friendships or even bribe their peers to play with them, parents can provide opportunities and gentle coaching

towards helping children make friends. Tips for Helping Children Make Friends

• Give children lots of opportunities to play with peers. Arrange play dates for preschoolers and school age children. If your preschooler is not in child care, enroll himor her in a preschool or a playgroup that meets regularly. Go to the park or other places where your child will have a chance to meet peers under your supervision. There is no substitute for the experience children gain from interacting with peers. Children who have had many opportunities to play with peers from an early age are clearly at an advantage when they enter formal group settings such as child care or elementary school. Playground play teaches children about partnership, teamwork, and fair play. It is through play that a child's primitive understanding about "rules" is reinforced because most games and social situations have rules. While our home environments may be more forgiving and tolerant about bending the game rules, it is quickly apparent to children that their peers aren't always as tolerant and forgiving. • Play with your child like a peer. Get on the floor and build with blocks or act out imaginary roles. For school age children, play an outdoor activity like basketball or soccer or grab a board game for fun inside. You will learn a lot about how your child plays when you play with him. Observational studies indicate that the parents of themost socially competent children laugh and smile often, avoid criticizing their child during play, are responsive to the child's ideas, and aren't too directive. • Talk to your child about their friends. Ask your child about what happened in preschool or school. "Whomdid you play with today?" "Why do you like playing with that friend?" Have your child tell you about interactions that upset him. "How did you feel when he took your shovel at the park?" "Why do you think he did that?" "What could you do next time to play together?" Or if it was your child who took the shovel, ask the same questions, but talk about other ways to express his feelings and wants. • Make your conversations opportunities to solve problems together. Remember, these are conversations and not lectures. It makes sense that we want our children to learn fromwhat we say, but sometimes we need to just listen to how they feel and then develop coping strategies together. • Try not to interfere in your child’s play situations. Unless your child or the other children are in danger of getting hurt or the situation has escalated beyond their ability to work out the issues, let your childwork out her own social challenges. Children can benefit from learning to compromise on their own in a safe, supervised setting.

Written by: Bright Horizons Family Solutions

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HOW SHOULD I HELP MY CHILD MAKE & KEEP NEW FRIENDS?