PLUVIOPHILE LAYOUT

PLUVIOPHILE LAYOUT

I N D E X

3. Foreword 6. Poetry

7. The Request by Christopher Sedgwick 8. Demon Walk by Christopher Sedgwick

9. Bring Me The Night by Christopher Sedgwick 10. Essential Freedom by Christopher Sedgwick 11. Brought It On Yourself by Christopher Sedgwick 12. Murder by Christopher Sedgwick 13. If These Walls Could Talk by Christopher Sedgwick 14. My Nightmare Queen by Christopher Sedgwick 15. Magpie by Christopher Sedgwick 16. Codeine + Cocaine by Christopher Sedgwick 17. Erratic by Christopher Sedgwick 18. X by Christopher Sedgwick 19. Sunglasses by Christopher Sedgwick 20. Muse by Christopher Sedgwick 21. Demon Walk by Christopher Sedgwick 22. How Can It Be by Christopher Sedgwick 23. F*** Off Felicity by Christopher Sedgwick

24. Your Poetry 31. The Poets 32. Submission Details 36. Christopher Sedgwick’s Story 37. Mental Health Charities + Helpful Links

F O R E W O R D (n) a lover of rain; someone who finds joy and peace of mind during rainy days . Poetry and creativity can be a beautiful insight into a suffering mind, which is why Pluviophile is an anthology that aims to give insight into these minds and break down any stigmas. Stigmas such as open rawness not being spoken within the public domain, instead of encouraging others to use such creativity to rescript and offload some of that internal grief, to acknowledge they are not alone. A creative form of therapy.

Pluviophiles Mission:

• Promote creativity as a way of opening up about feelings and issues • Draw attention to Mental Health Awareness • Raise money for inspiring and vital mental health charities • Re-establish for the readers that they are not alone with an exquisite collection of work from poets who have had similar feelings and experiences • Increase artists recognition and exposure • Spread unity and support

P O E T R Y

THE REQUEST

Give me a day Give me tomorrow Make it come quick On the wings of a sparrow Give me a moment Something to borrow Give me a minute To release the sorrow I’m done with today If it's all the same Don’t think yourself bad You weren’t to blame I just must move on From this mental game So give me new life To relinquish the pain

Don’t think me silly With all my requests

I’m not asking for much To not feel oppressed It's been years of struggle Distressed and depressed So just give me tomorrow And make it your best.

DEAD EYES

You look to me and I’m just a dream Falling at the seams And I wonder

If all that I thought Was but a dream

Saviour in me Was not who he seemed Lost love Lost senses Encased in a candy cream

Nonchalant with words That burn like The lost tears of a team

Never knew a hurt Like the one that now gleams Leave me in peace

Leave me in peace Burning from the tears Of these . . . Dead eyes

BRING ME THE NIGHT

Bring me the night and allow me the right To break from this day with all of my might A night time of truth that sullies the light I long for the peace to distance the plight Betwixt and hell bent

My body, my rent No one is paying

But my body is spent I’ve loved and I’ve lost Without making a dent On my sadness, my happiness My soul refuses repent So I see the light as an ugly sight Don’t show me my face My wrinkles, my fight They tell a history Where passions took flight

And left me a shell Weathered, worn

Memories spite So I feel no less When the moon shines bright

She hides all my sins My tears, my fright

And despite my longings And my depression, finite I will never long for more Than I do to bring the night.

ESSENTIAL FREEDOM

“ Make sure you do not leave your home Unless it is essential ”

I think we now can all agree Our need for freedom is most evidential

Comparing ourselves to caged animals in zoos Now sympathetically going mental

But think of those who didn’t have freedom Before this event became so consequential

Like those locked indoors by abusive partners So mentally influential

Children locked away in their minds by unfit parents Stifling their full potential

Those locked behind the bars of their eyes With depression and anxiety, torrential

Or those who would love nothing more than the safety Of four small walls, the feeling so presidential

So although the suffering we feel in lockdown May be far from preferential

Let’s just take a moment before we complain To consider those going through Something truly existential

BROUGHT IT ON YOURSELF

“You brought it on yourself” they said

Torn clothes, torn souls, wounds bloody red

They blame it on your style of dress

“How drunk were you?” they always stress

“Are you a good time girl or boy?” they press

“Perhaps your morals really aren’t the best”

Well if you claim nothing can be done

And these animals are always free to run

Because you refuse to teach them not to rape

Then accept we’ll teach our children to castrate

You’d cause a storm and claim it's not the way

“But they brought it on themselves” we’ll say.

MURDER

Blood. She came for blood To cause a flood Some Crimson lake Something to seep beneath the mud

To insert that knife Disguised in a hug

The hole where it pours You are unable to plug Your life leaks out While she stands there smug How could she? You think She who gave you such love

Watched you grow And brought you up But now you'll never know As your life slips from your cup She who was so divine You held on a shrine Had some reason to turn against you To commit this heinous crime Look to the sky For a desperate answer why

No one else to look up to So, for now, it’s goodbye

"Forgive me father, while I lie here and die” "And praise mother, for I finally see why”

IF THESE WALLS COULD TALK

If these walls of stone could talk Would they tell me a tale of sorrow and woe Something of horror, a murder most foul An existence so sad I’d need to walk Back and forth, one wall to the next A confined madness of the past, something wrecked Drive a drill of insanity Through my cranium, perplexed Should I exchange these walls for ones of foam White leather, buckled jacket A face that is vexed

These are the thoughts I ponder alone Stood between unknown walls Absorbed histories, monotones If evil could possess a body Why not stone?

Like that above the grave Warning those to not step Leave well alone

But I stand here still My mind a simple drone

Imagining the worlds, alien to my tone But still wondering, never leaving it alone Did these walls witness A life better than my own.

MY NIGHTMARE QUEEN

I know this one, for she has ruled me well Invading my thoughts, spinning an untold hell No release or respite, in the shadows she doth dwell Heed her warning, else your soul she will sell Although she won’t sell mine, it’s bejewelled in her shrine She knows in my mind she could cause havoc for all time The darkest space for her to anoint her disgrace Of an evil manipulation creating a malevolent place Her guards are on patrol, remaining untouchable the goal Devoid of any love or mercy, my every dream she has stole The horrors I’d never seen in this life, she’s happy to divulge My any hope for a return to sanity, she’s happy to dissolve Month of three or was it month of six? She crept into my crib Playing with my curls and rattles, tickling my rib She drew me in and cursed me out, her vision I can’t rid To make sure I won’t forget her face and in my mind she shall live Two hundred years on, two life's past, anew is sprung But her face is still more vivid than any other single one Her smile which dripped with a fetid venomous fang Had injected me so deeply, she’ll be with me even if I hang So accepting my fate, with no further debate Let her show me the horrors, the children’s hearts that she ate Torturous vivid visions, always filled with gruesome hate In the hope maybe one day, she’ll bore and peacefully vacate But until that time comes, I’ll have to accept her nightly plates Of fear and madness, less my innocent heart I know that she has ate.

MAGPIE

Fools today Fools tomorrow Two for joy But one for sorrow Give me some peace Some serenity to borrow Fill this space for I am hollow I gave you faith Saluting and such Superstition so powerful Admittedly too much So scared if I didn’t I’d fall foul to a crutch So give me relief Give me something real to touch I longed for shiny And so did you From all written accounts Nature is true But I’m done with the dazzle

And the shallowest few I need something real Something pure Something True So I release you now Make believe is through Free of saluting I can build something new So with all my power My supportive love too I bid you farewell So long Adieu.

CODEINE + COCAINE

Codeine for opiate dreams Cocaine for days mundane Some who indulge are considered insane Others know it helps with the pain Longing for life and running from death Isn’t always a hobby for those bereft Lost love or lost life Haunts their bones late at night With only the poison relief To make them feel right To dance beneath the stars Pupils dilated to appreciate the light Making up new friends To rewrite the stories that bite Or maybe drift in a clouded haze That fuzzies their external gaze Dampening life’s imminent maze All to numb the fear of days Impending ending That final phase

So let them dance And sway in peace You don’t know their hell Their internal grief Allow them refuge all the same As they indulge Codeine and cocaine.

ERRATIC

My mind is erratic, I can’t think, I mean I can’t stop thinking, I mean I can’t stop thinking about thinking about that thought I was thinking, Is this sinking in or am I the one who’s sinking?

I think I just heard my phone, Or is it my mind that’s ringing? Must be on vibrate too as my temples vibrating. My heart is heavy, Why so sad? Why do I feel so bad? Was it something I did? And how do I get rid? Do I deserve this? is it karma? All this awful unnecessary mental drama?

Paranoid with paranoia, Are they talking about me? With their eyes all staring, Is there something on my face? Or is it something that I’m wearing?

Heart racing, Heart pounding, Struggling to remember the therapists exercise for grounding, I can’t catch my breath,

Do I turn right or do I turn left? My confidence has been stolen, Where’s the police to report the theft? I shake and I stumble, Trying to control the urge to mumble, “I’m mental” “I’m mental” But I need now more than ever to be gentle.

Standing on the edge, Tight rope walking along that ledge, I need to end this memory, That caused a wedge between me,

My mind, My sanity.

But first l et m e j ust t ake t his p ill.

X

Talk to the girl in me, she’s there The one I imagined I was, with the long brown hair She consumed my dreams My daily affair

I felt her move my limbs With her grace and heir

I wasn’t a boy, she wasn’t either So she gave me the guidance Others thought it a fever “You are a boy” they said My heart would fill with dread

I hope she didn’t hear Those lies that they said

But she never deserted me Her love was too strong She gave me the will and passion to go on She told me to embrace who I was For I do belong “Accept what we can’t change Head high and move on”

But I did accept the facts I was a “boy”, a top hat

I didn’t want to play their games And they reminded me of that But I powered on through Embracing my dues A flamboyant boy lost Emulating my feminine hues

And so here she lies in me, rested, unpursued I hereby name her, my sister, Serenity Blue.

SUNGLASSES

Feeling subdued

As the Sun brightens the hues

I’m more suited to rain

To help disguise my mood

But sunglasses will do

To hide my feelings of blue

To keep in my darkness

Perhaps you know the feeling too?

MUSE

My muse Who’s light shone through the open wound on his head Like a third eye

Eyelid edges like crimson waves parting Revealing the hard, wet, interlocked shells On the seabed below

Your breathing staggered and pained from the broken ribs Taunting and teasing your lungs With their blades While your neck and spine lay broken But tentatively clinging Trying to balance their shards away from your precious cord Trying not to change your life Our life, forever I did not see all this then All your internal battles to keep yourself live and well As best you could, for me While I battled externally to keep you live and well

As I could do for you Lost minds? Perhaps Lost loves? Never.

DEMON WALK

It’s time to take my demons for a walk

I’ve upset my man Silliness took my hand No longer time or opportunity to talk My past has won My experiences sprung If only all my abusive ex’s had hung My great Aunt did Her control had slid So a crime of passion made sure she got rid

Ruth Ellis’ the name Revenge is the game So maybe if I follow there’ll be no one left alive to blame But they aren’t worth the sum I am the mightier one But so mighty my inner demons built with a mightier tongue

They come with a venom Devoid of heaven To subdue them could cost me all of seven Dark years to moan Bones to stone Best I just leave these demons alone.

HOW CAN IT BE?

How can it be?

As the pandemic plagued on

More birds happily sang their song

The skies became clearer

No planes travelling to and from

The world breathed a sigh of relief

As the air became cleaner

No pollution to fill our lungs

Yet a man can still lie there

Hands shackled

Under an oppressive weight so strong

And call out for his mother and cry

“I can’t breathe!”

You know somethings wrong

FUCK OFF, FELICITY I take my turn and sit their staring At the self-help book atop the London finery I’m wearing I try and control the shakes that control me

The adrenaline coursing my veins Bodies vibrating, this shits hairy My name is called by a stranger glaring

She’s no idea I used to be well But right now could be lairy Not in an aggressive way or rough like they assume

It’s merely extreme PTSD So please let us resume

Book in hand I shadow her walk To see if my Mental Health will allow me to talk I don’t want to feel this weak This pathetic, this bleak So I long for this uninvited demon to speak My health which is poor is that which is mental I’ve been summoned to prove I can’t afford dental Sick notes, fit notes, therapist appointments a plenty Universal Credit lady says ‘Ah bless’ ‘poor baby’

I shake and I sweat, lack of mental “health” taking reign I’m lost and in pain, anxiety and shame My minds weak, in a vulnerable disdain Praying to the universe “don’t make me come here again” She needs to photocopy so leaves me alone So I stare at her sad walls of grey board and foam I sit there thinking where it all began And how I ended up here? But thank God, true love for my man

But in the shock of the experience I needed some help So best get back to this book Highly recommended on Yelp

“In your most dire need take a trip to succeed Follow our finest example for a true feeling of glee Her names Felicity and she’s who you want to be She left Uni at 12, was privileged, wealthy and free And took life by the horns and made it look was easy So travelled to the Antarctic and stayed there 2 plus years, it was breezy…” On that one note I have three words of centricity Before my councillor comes back I’ll make sure I act quickly So here it goes…. with all the simplicity I wish you all the luck in the world But “Fuck off Felicity!”

Y O U R P O E T R Y

T H I S I S N O T T H E E N D

Keep a look out for our future edition calls for submissions by following:

@pluviophilecollective / @mrchristophersedgwick

@mrchrissedgwick @MrChristopherSedgwick

And enter your work!

T H E P O E T S (To me an image of each selected poet with their details and poem page number)

T H E P O E T S (To me an image of each selected poet with their details and poem page number)

T H E P O E T S (To me an image of each selected poet with their details and poem page number)

T H E P O E T S (To me an image of each selected poet with their details and poem page number)

C H R I S T O P H E R S E D G W I C K ‘ S S T O R Y

“ Gloucester born and London bred Experiences of love but more of dread A thousand memories swirl my head So I write them down to put them to bed ”

I have had a very interesting, albeit turbulent, life to say the least which has made me a thorough believer in the importance of being open to the discussion of mental health, domestic violence and sexual abuse after unfortunately falling foul to all three myself. The power that creativity, self-expression and letting others know they are not alone can achieve is one of the most powerful turning points that a survivor can have, it certainly has been that way for me. My most recent, impactful experience is suffering extreme PTSD after finding my partner following a near fatal fall of over twenty-three foot, head first onto marble last year whilst we were holidaying in Greece and having to hold their scalp back onto their skull until the ambulance arrived at the hospital. I thought their worst injury was the head trauma but X-Rays eventually showed that they had broken their neck in two places, spine in four, fourteen vertebrae, fifteen ribs, collarbone and shoulder blade. The exposed skull was the least of our worries. But after battling tooth and nail to try and have them repatriated back to the UK and a further two months in hospital, ongoing unknowing hell they managed to begin recovery and much to several surgeons surprise who couldn’t believe the fall wasn’t fatal or left them paralysed from the neck or waist down. Slowly but surely they began finding the strength, with the help of a heavy duty brace, to receive physio and start walking again. I had already had to stop working due to my PTSD but also it meant I could become their full time carer and help the one that I love get through the most painful journey of our lives. This experience had a profound mental and physical effect on me as it would anybody. But since November last year, in between caring and my own therapy I began putting pen to paper to finally offload thoughts and emotions, including those that hadn’t been addressed for some 15 years, achieving therapeutic release in areas my current therapist has failed. The majority of my expression has been through poetry, however I have also been working on novels and short films which I am excited to one day share.

C O L L A B O R A T I N G C H A R I T I E S & H E L P F U L L I N K S (Of which a percentage of sales will being donated)

www.together-uk.org

www.mind.org.uk

www.betterhelp.com

www.thecalmzone.net

www.youngminds.org.uk

www.rethink.org