Atlanta Divorce Law Group September 2018

Atlanta Divorce Law Group September 2018

The Role of Routines in Your Divorce A DYSFUNCTIONAL KIND OF COMFORT

September 2018

Why do humans crave routine? Why do days feel more comfortable and more productive when the same series of habits are repeated? In a world where spontaneity is celebrated and creativity is rewarded, I’ve always found it ironic that the human race (myself included) spends so much of the day trying to replicate the previous one to provide structure, reduce stress, and curb decision-making. Think about it. We wake up at the same time every morning to the same alarm sounds, we commute to and from work on the same busy streets, and we relax on the same sofa watching sitcoms televised on the same night every week. But when it comes to navigating the aftermath of a divorce, it is the shift in these day-to-day routines that seems to wreak the most havoc on people’s psyches. When our attorneys ask their clients to describe the most difficult aspects of divorce, they explain that the pain never stems from some monumental change that occurs overnight; it stems from a series of minute adjustments that slowly strip them of their confidence, independence, and motivation to face life on their own. You see, even in the most volatile of relationships, maintaining a routine is often the glue keeping a couple together. There is a dysfunctional kind of comfort that exists in an unhappy marriage because, over the years, husbands and wives figure out a system that works, at least on the surface level. Many couples divvy up chores or activities. She might cook dinner most evenings, but he prepares

breakfast on the weekends. He might mow the lawn and take the trash to the curb every Tuesday, but she folds the laundry and drives the kids to soccer practice. She might balance the checkbook and purchase groceries, but he changes the oil in the cars and helps the kids with their math homework. Then when he or she moves out, the responsibility to complete all of these tasks falls on the shoulders of one person. They go from being part of a team (albeit a dysfunctional one) to feeling alone. This is not to say that people aren’t capable of navigating this emotional minefield. Our team has seen our clients persevere through these initial feelings time and time again. Human beings are far more adaptable than they know, and the stresses that keep them up at night eventually fade into the background as new routines emerge. They realize that the person they once believed they couldn’t survive without assumes a very different role in their present. Still, these adjustments take time, and people need help with the transition. That is why we created our Concierge Divorce Service to help our clients navigate all of the social, economic, logistical, and emotional aspects of their divorces. Beyond assuming new roles in the household, some recently divorced people have to re-enter the workforce, buy a new house or vehicle, and find child care services. My team sets clients up with companies or professionals we trust to help them. From real estate agents, career coaches, and counselors to mechanics, handymen, and mortgage lenders, our concierge advocates get clients in touch with partners we have vetted and trust wholeheartedly. transitional issues, please don’t hesitate to reach out to our team here at Atlanta Divorce Law Firm. We understand that getting the legal divorce decree is sometimes the least complicated aspect of the separation process, and that the things that keep you up at night often have nothing to do with paperwork. Let us help make this seemingly impossible task just a little bit easier. –Sara Khaki So if you or someone you know is struggling with any of these small but very real

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With fall just ahead, it’s a good time to think about your spring garden. For a beautiful garden next year, begin preparing this fall. Here are a few ways to get a head start! Autumn Steps for a Better Spring Garden PREPARE YOUR GARDEN

[I am] a toy for them to play with that they have to share.” To prevent your child from feeling like Rufus, my team here at Atlanta Divorce Law Firm recommends that you and your co- parent focus on planning, coordination, and communication this upcoming school year. We understand that when it comes to supporting your kids during their extracurricular activities this fall, the idea of seeing and interacting with your ex-spouse might be the last thing you want to do, but for the sake of the kids’ well-being, we suggest that you try to set aside any lingering frustrations from the marriage in order to What Do the Kids Want PLANTING BULBS If you want beautiful flowers in April, you should start planting bulbs now. Many flower bulbs need to be in the ground before winter settles in; this helps activate the bulbs’ biochemical process that allows them to bloom. Getting the bulbs into the ground before it freezes allows their roots to grow deep enough to protect them from the biting winter weather. Among the flower bulbs you should plant soon are tulips, daffodils, irises, and hyacinths. CHICKEN WIRE After you’ve planted your bulbs, there’s a risk that uninvited guests will dig them up. There are a few ways you can ensure that your bulbs remain undisturbed throughout the fall. One way is to place chicken wire over your bulbs after they’ve been planted. This keeps rodents from digging them up and allows the plants to grow through the gaps in the wire.

KEEP YOUR GARDEN TIDY Once you’ve harvested your best fruits and vegetables, go back through and harvest the rest, even if you don’t plan to eat them. Make sure your garden is clear of old vegetables, fallen leaves, and weeds. Leaving decaying plants in or on top of the ground can spread diseases into the soil and attract unwanted pests to your garden. HEALTHY SOIL Pulling up weeds and all of your vegetables can help keep the earth free from rotting plants, but there are other steps you can take to ensure that your soil stays full of nutrients. Pick up a kit to test the pH levels of your soil. Most gardens thrive in soil with a pH of 6.5. Add compost to your soil supply now to give it time to break down during the winter months.

CO-PARENTING THIS SCHOOL YEAR

Labor Day signals the end of summer, meaning that school has either already started or the first day back is nearly here. To some families, getting back into the school routine can provide comfort and stability. For families going through a divorce, even attempting to create a routine can be frustrating or even impossible. Many divorced couples get so caught up in navigating their own emotional minefields that they underestimate the effect their separation is having on other important members of the family — their kids. The amount of >Page 1 Page 2 Page 3 Page 4

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