Mediation Advantage Services August 2018

Mediation Advantage Services August 2018

AUG 2018

(508) 795-1557 | www.mediationadvantage.com LIFE IN BALANCE

Some of you may have heard me mention my daughter’s dog, also known as my “grand-dog,” Alabama. Jamese had Alabama for several years, and in that time, they grew very close. She adopted the dog from a couple going through a divorce. Neither person could keep her, and Jamese’s warm heart stepped in to accept this new addition to her life. Alabama was a lap dog, and Jamese welcomed her into her home. A couple months ago, when Jamese flew to Massachusetts for my fitness competition, Alabama was nearing the end of her life, so Jamese was dealing with the heartache that comes with being away from a sick pet. Alabama had recently been diagnosed with cancer after they found two tumors. When Jamese first found out Alabama was sick, she wanted to make sure this little dog had the best last days possible. She made a lot of effort to comfort Alabama. She took her on special trips to the beach where she could walk and play. She let her have gourmet food and gave her all the comforts she knew Alabama enjoyed. Jamese gave her so much love, and Alabama returned it. Soon after Jamese got home from her East Coast trip, her boyfriend was out taking Alabama for a walk when Jamese got a call from him. “She’s dying,” he said. He carried her home, and Alabama died that night in their arms. The Bond We Build With Our Pets HONORING ALABAMA

It was very traumatic for Jamese to go through the experience of losing Alabama, but she did everything she could to give her pet the best life. She had a last happy walk and an amazing last meal. She knew she was loved. In fact, Alabama waited for Jamese to get back from her trip before passing. She made sure her humans were home, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that it happened that way. Life comes full circle. The sadness we experience is part of the recognition of the joy we felt. When Alabama passed, it was in the middle of the night East Coast time. Nevertheless, when her sisters heard the news, they were there for Jamese immediately. Jasmine and Jamelah supported and sent love to Jamese as she went through this challenging time. We were all up most of the night providing words of comfort and support to our Jamese. It’s one of those things that the girls’ dad and I always instilled in them — to have each other’s back. “You’ll get mad at each other,” we told them, “and you’ll have your fights, but at the end of the day, you are there for each other.” On the day Alabama died, they exhibited what we taught them in all aspects.

–Polly Tatum

P.S. I am accepting new Divorce Mediation Clients and Estate Planning Clients at this time.

P.P.S. I cannot express how thankful I am for all of our past clients and appreciate your referrals!

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HAVE YOU PREPARED YOUR KIDS FOR THE NEW SCHOOL YEAR?

If you have minor children and own your home, then this will be the most important back-to-school preparation you do all year. Here’s why — the bone-chilling truth that floored me about what would happen to my kids if I was in an accident . Did you know that if you’re in an accident, your kids could be taken into protective custody until the police can figure out who has legal authority to take them, even if you’ve named legal guardians for them in your will? That’s because the people who spend time with your kids don’t have that authority automatically. To make sure your kids are not taken into the care of strangers, even for a minute, you must set up a Comprehensive Kids Protection Plan. And you must put in place a well- considered estate plan that ensures your assets are immediately and privately available to your loved ones. Usually, a simple will is simply not good enough. CULTIVATE BETTER COMMUNICATION WI TH YOUR EX It might seem unimaginable that you’d ever have an interaction with your former spouse that doesn’t end in tears or frustration. But it is possible, and it might be a necessity if you have joint custody and intend to co- parent your children. An article on co-parenting from Helpguide.org says, “The key is to separate the personal relationship with your ex from the co-parenting relationship.” It’s not about you and your ex; it’s about your children. “Your marriage may be over, but your family is not,” says Helpguide. Here are a few ways to shift your mindset toward a more peaceful co- parenting relationship. APPROACH ENCOUNTERS AS A BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP. Looking at your relationship as a partnership where your “business” is your child’s well-being can help you maintain cordial interactions and stick to the logistics while keeping emotions out of your conversations. If you were writing an email to a coworker, you wouldn’t use angry or aggressive language. Practice this professional demeanor when you interact with your ex to keep the conversation amicable and on track.

To hear more, come in for a comprehensive planning session or attend one of our September Seminars.

September Seminar Dates are

Thursday, Sept. 13, 2018, from 6–7:30 p.m. Saturday, Sept. 15, 2018, from 10 a.m. to noon Thursday, Sept. 20, 2018, from 6–7:30 p.m.

Space is limited! Call today at (508)795-1557.

MAKE REQUESTS INSTEAD OF DEMANDS. When you’re upset about your ex’s behavior or choices, it can be easy to demand things from them. But that can put them on the defensive and make it more difficult to reach any conclusions. Instead, try turning your statements into requests. Instead of saying, “Bring him home at 5,” you might ask, “Can you bring him home at 5?” Use sentences that begin with, “Would you be willing to … ?” or “Can we … ?” to foster a sense of collaboration. LISTEN. You know your view is the right one, but you’ll still want to hear the other parent out when they share their perspective. Listening is at the core of a civil conversation. “Listening does not signify approval, so you won’t lose anything by allowing your ex to voice his or her opinions,” says Helpguide. For additional resources and support with co-parenting, mediator Polly Tatum is offering an online co-parenting course that provides you with strategies for better communication, parenting plans, and conflict resolution as you navigate this new relationship. Give our office a call today to learn more.

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LILY

BUDDY DOG GIVES NEW HOMES TO PETS

Over the last three years, when you walked into the lobby at Buddy Dog Humane Society, you’d be greeted by Lily and BooBoo — two of the pets that the local humane society rehabilitated and provided a new life to. Lily was a Chihuahua who recently passed from old age, and while it’s with a heavy heart we share the news, it’s also a time to remember and celebrate the story of how Lily and BooBoo came to Buddy Dog. Lily and BooBoo came to Buddy Dog three years ago, when their owner was no longer able to keep them. She had rescued Lily and BooBoo from a shelter and given them love and care, but in the years after she adopted them, she became homeless. Despite living in her car, she continued to care for all their needs, including giving Lily her twice-daily insulin shots for diabetes and keeping the medicine in a cooler for her beloved pet. Then came an opportunity for Lily and BooBoo’s owner to have a new home, with one caveat: She couldn’t bring her pets. Fortunately, Buddy Dog was there to help the three

of them. The humane society took in Lily and BooBoo with the goal of finding them a new home.

As a bonded pair, the two pups needed to stay together, and with Lily’s needs, it would have to be a perfect home. Finding that was a challenge. Slowly, Lily and BooBoo became part of the family at Buddy Dog. They spent their time in the front lobby of the humane society, bringing smiles to everyone who walked in. Lily even made visits to schools, nursing homes, and events. “She brightened so many lives and could make anyone smile,” says the team at Buddy Dog. Last year, one of the Buddy Dog volunteers fell in love with the pair, and she started bringing them home on weekends and even on vacations. In her last year, Lily got to experience the joy of having a home again. BooBoo will miss her and so will everyone at Buddy Dog. Buddy Dog Humane Society is a nonprofit animal welfare organization in Sudbury that finds new homes for homeless dogs and cats. Check out their annual festival and fundraiser, Woofstock , on Sept. 22. You can find more information at buddydoghs.com .

GREEN BEAN & SESAME SALAD

MONTHLY CHALLENGE LOVE YOUR PETS! In honor of Alabama and all our beloved pets who’ve passed, take a moment this month to appreciate the connection we form with our animals. Give yours some extra love this month in the form of a hike, an extra trip to the park, or a special treat. If you don’t have a pet, consider volunteering at one of the humane societies in our area, like the Buddy Dog Humane Society in Sudbury.

If you need an easy, healthy side dish with plenty of flavor, this green bean salad will be the perfect addition to your summer menu.

INGREDIENTS

•

2 tablespoons sesame seeds, toasted

• • • •

3 cups green beans, ends trimmed

1 teaspoon white wine vinegar

• • •

Small bunch of fresh mint

1 tablespoon olive oil

Small bunch of flat-leaf parsley

1 small red onion, finely chopped

Salt and pepper, to taste

DIRECTIONS

1. Bring a large saucepan of water to boil; cook green beans for 4–5 minutes; drain well. 2. In a blender, mix finely chopped mint and parsley with olive oil, vinegar, salt, and pepper. Blend until combined. 3. Add dressing, onion, and sesame seeds to beans. Toss together. Cool dish, then refrigerate until ready to serve. 3 (508) 795-1557 Inspired by Delicious magazine.

PRST STD US POSTAGE PAID BOISE, ID PERMIT 411

Hours: M-F 9AM-6PM

ESTATE PLANNING • KIDS PROTECTION PLANNING • WILLS HEALTH CARE PROXY • DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY • LIVING WILLS TRUSTS • DIVORCE/POST-DIVORCE MEDIATION SPECIALISTS

(508) 795-1557 www.mediationadvantage.com

INSIDE THIS ISSUE

Twitter: www.twitter.com/PollyATatum Facebook: www.facebook.com/LawOfficeofPollyATatum LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/pub/polly-tatum/15/50/506

19 Cedar St. Worcester, MA 01609

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Honoring Important Relationships

Have You Prepared Your Kids in Case You Are in an Accident? How to Find Better Communication With Your Ex

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The Story of Lily and BooBoo

Monthly Challenge

Green Bean and Sesame Salad

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Shadow: The Hang-Gliding Service Dog

MEET SHADOW The Amazing Hang-Gliding Service Dog

It seemed that Shadow couldn’t bear to be away from his owner. So, about 12 years ago, McManus had a special harness made for Shadow, enabling the pup to join him while he took to the skies. They’ve been side by side on nearly every flight since. Some pet owners might balk at the idea of taking a dog on a hang glider, but it’s clear that, in this case, Shadow definitely wants to fly. Whenever they go out, Shadow wraps his paws around McManus’ arm, remaining stoic as they survey the landscape together from high above.

For his entire life, Utah resident Dan McManus has suffered from several mental health issues, including generalized anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, night terrors, and severe panic attacks. Over the years, he’s utilized numerous coping mechanisms to stave off the symptoms, but there are two things that calm him more than anything else: hang gliding across the Utah skies and the companionship of his service animal, an Australian cattle dog named Shadow. Over the course of 37 years, McManus went from being a hang-gliding hobbyist to an expert instructor in Salt Lake City, going out gliding as often as possible. But it seemed that his passion gave his pup a bit of anxiety of his own. Whenever McManus would take off, Shadow always wanted to chase him. “So I would be out here flying, and he would chase me and jump up at me and sometimes get my foot and hang on a little bit … It felt like he wanted to keep me safe,” he says. And when he left the dog at home, he’d often come home to a scratched-up floor and doors.

While we all struggle with our own obstacles in life, it’s nice to know that our canine pals will always be there to offer their furry support. As McManus and Shadow demonstrate, it’s a bond that remains strong even hundreds of feet above the ground.

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