The Bledsoe Firm - August 2022

The Bledsoe Firm - August 2022

The Bledsoe Firm JustFamilyLaw.com | 949.363.5551 AUGUST | 2022

ALLOWING OUR CHILDREN TO BECOME INDEPENDENT 3 WAYS TO ENCOURAGE INDEPENDENCE

Teaching our children to be independent is one of the most important things we can do for them. It’s not always easy to do though. We don’t like to see our kids make mistakes or deal with difficult situations. There are times when we feel like we need to step in, but it’s during these instances that we may need to provide a little bit of space so they can grow. When children become independent, they develop a sense of self-empowerment. They feel like they can actually do things on their own which encourages them to be confident and improves their self-esteem. Independence also provides them with a sense of importance and belonging. They feel as if they are actually contributing and helping the world around them. On the other hand, when our children aren’t allowed to grow their independence, they may react with anger and resistance as they approach their teenage years. If you try to incorporate independence too late in the game or take extreme measures, your child may experience feelings of abandonment. This might foster indifference toward many aspects of life. If you’re not sure how to encourage your children to be more independent, don’t worry. I’ve come up with three things you can do every day to help your children become more independent. Offer choices. When your children are still young, involve them in some of the decisions you make. This can empower them, build confidence in their decision-making skills, and help them build a sense of responsibility. It also provides them with the opportunity to experience

natural consequences while also proving that their wants and needs matter.

But don’t give them too much freedom when they’re young. If they have too many choices, they may become overwhelmed. Instead of asking where they want to eat or what they want to do, offer two or three choices and let your child pick between them. It’s easier on your kids and you this way since you won’t offer anything that you’re not willing to say yes to. Allow them to make mistakes. Our kids are going to make mistakes, and it’s important that they’re allowed to learn from them. If you’re constantly correcting your child or preventing their mistakes, they will never learn from them, and in turn, will grow at a slower rate. When your kids make a mistake, instead of correcting them, take some time to brainstorm ideas on how they could improve or make smarter choices next time. This can be difficult for many parents because we don't want to see our kids fail or struggle. In the grand scheme of things, failure is just feedback. This can lead to a growth mindset that will help them overcome any future problems with ease.

have space so they can actually become independent. This does not mean letting them go down the street to the park by themselves. If they’re playing in another room, let them play for a little while without supervision. If you do check in on them, try to go unnoticed. There are small things you can allow them to do every day that will encourage their independence like placing their own order at a restaurant or going to get the mail from the mailbox. Providing our children with independence is not an easy task, but it is necessary. If you’re struggling to make your child more independent, try utilizing some of the strategies above every day. You’ll begin to notice that your child is more self-sufficient before long. —John Bledsoe

Give them space. You do not need to hover over your children’s every move. They need to

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SETTING BOUNDARIES FOR YOUR TEENS As children grow older, some tend to engage in more risky behaviors. They like to test their parents’ patience and limits to see what they can actually get away with. But when you establish boundaries with your older children, it can set them up for success and teach them a thing or two about responsibility. Creating Boundaries That Reflect Your Values You cannot simply say the rules — your actions must reinforce them if you want them to be followed. They must also reflect the positive values that mean the most to you, as they will influence how your children see you. The clearer your values are, the easier it is to express and communicate them to your older kids, and the more likely they are to follow along with the boundaries that respect those values. Here is a list of core family values to consider: • Positive relationships — whether that be with family members, friends, coworkers, or even strangers • Priorities — define what matters to your family first • Honesty — creating a judgment-free space to be open and speak freely • Responsibility — taking accountability for one’s mistakes • Respect — learning how to communicate boundaries effectively

Be Supportive, Not Enabling Supporting someone is helping them do something they might not be able to do themselves in the right conditions, whereas enabling is stepping in and mitigating consequences that would otherwise be a result of a negative choice. Enabling is an undesirable behavior that can occur when parents give in to complaints or demands to avoid conflict. Instead of avoiding possible conflict, it’s best to support your older children while they navigate through your rules. Allow them to have questions or make mistakes. That way you can provide a framework where they have the ability to act and make decisions on their own. Setting rules or boundaries for your older kids is an essential tool that aids in their development. Over time, the process will help lay the foundations for them to become self-regulating adults.

3 S teps to T ake B efore F iling for D ivorce THINKING ABOUT ENDING YOUR MARRIAGE?

How Will Your Support Network Change? In most cases, divorce will change what your support network looks like. The most obvious relationships that change are your relationships with your in-laws. But other relationships are affected as well — friendships may be divided, you may lose relationships due to the need to move, and other circumstances may arise. Are Your Current Marriage Troubles Temporary? There are a host of problems that can stress a marriage to its breaking point but are not permanent problems. These may include financial stress, loss of employment, problems with a child, moving, illness, and other problems. Stop for a moment and consider if your marriage problems might just be circumstantial. If so, it may be worth waiting for the storm to pass and making the effort to improve your current relationship as much as possible in the interim. If you still feel like there is no hope for your marriage after taking these steps, give our office a call. It’s imperative that you seek legal counsel. Our team of experienced attorneys is available to help you.

Like marriage, divorce is something you shouldn’t necessarily rush into. You had your reasons for marrying your spouse. When things get rocky, your first thought should not be to divorce them unless the situation is serious. That being said, filing for divorce is right for some people, but if you have the opportunity to work on your marriage, you could save yourself from some serious heartache. In last month’s newsletter, we discussed three steps you should take before giving a divorce attorney a call. This month, we’re giving you three more steps you should consider taking before filing for divorce. What Is Your Role in the Marriage? In one way or another, your choices have impacted the situation you find yourself in now. Taking an honest look at the choices you have made and your behavior (optimally with the help of a qualified counselor) will help you see how much of the current situation is something within your power to change. Even if you decide to proceed with ending your marriage, considering your choices and actions will help you avoid repeating the same mistakes in your future relationships.

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W ord S earch Adventure Dogs

4 REASONS YOU MAY NEED A FAMILY LAWYER

Other Than Divorce

Friendship Gladiolus Heat Marshmallow Motorcycle Muggy Relaxation

When people think about family law in the state of California, they often think that it deals exclusively with legal separation and divorce. But family lawyers can actually deal with many different legal issues. Any issues involving domestic disputes, child custody, and division of assets can fall within the purview of a family lawyer. Even if you never go through a divorce, you may need to hire a family lawyer multiple times in your life. Below you will find four situations beyond divorce that may require you to hire an Orange County family lawyer. When Determining Paternity and Child Support Paternity cases in California are deceptively difficult to navigate because a legal determination of fatherhood, whether for a biological or adoptive child, involves more than just test results. An Orange County family lawyer must also handle negotiation and explanation of the rights and obligations that accompany a determination of paternity. When Adopting a Child California has some specific laws around adoption. First, the individual or couple applying for adoption must be 10 years older than the adoptee. The only exception is for immediate family members, stepparents, aunts, and uncles of the adoptee. Second, older children must provide consent to an adoption. This rule applies to the adoption of any child over the age of 12. These are only two of the hurdles California law places between you and adoption. When There Is a Victim of Domestic Abuse There are occasional instances of domestic abuse in divorce cases or child custody cases, but many other complaints of domestic abuse aren’t tied to a different legal matter. Even when domestic abuse or violence is the only issue of your case, you can still hire an Orange County family lawyer. When Seeking Surrogacy Options Advancements in science and technology have allowed us to do amazing things for family planning and conception, including the ability to have a surrogate mother. However, surrogacy remains a rarity in California, and the process of surrogacy is riddled with legal complications. An Orange County family lawyer can unravel the complexities and help you find an acceptable and legal surrogate.

Sandwich Swimming Vacation

TASTY BRUSCHETTA CHICKEN

Inspired by Delish.com

INGREDIENTS

•

4 boneless and skinless chicken breasts, pounded to even thickness

• • • • • •

3 tomatoes, chopped 2 cloves garlic, minced

1 tbsp fresh basil, chopped Salt and pepper, to taste 4 slices mozzarella cheese Parmesan cheese, grated

• • • •

4 tbsp olive oil

2 tbsp lemon juice, divided

1/4 tsp pepper

1 tsp Italian seasoning

DIRECTIONS

1. Add chicken to a large resealable bag. 2. In a small bowl, combine olive oil, 1 tbsp lemon juice, pepper, and Italian seasoning. Pour over chicken and seal. Refrigerate for 30 minutes. 3. Turn a grill to medium-high heat and add the chicken. Discard the marinade. Grill chicken 5–7 minutes per side or until fully cooked. 4. Combine the remaining lemon juice, tomatoes, garlic, and basil. Add salt and pepper, to taste. 5. Before taking the chicken off the grill, top each breast with a slice of mozzarella cheese. Cover and cook 2–3 minutes, then serve topped with the tomato mixture and grated Parmesan cheese.

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Inside

3 Strategies to Encourage Independence in Our Children

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How Established Rules Set Teens Up for Success 3 More Steps to Take Before Filing for Divorce

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4 Reasons You May Need a Family Lawyer

Tasty Bruschetta Chicken

Dealing With Negativity? Try These 3 Things!

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CHOOSING JOY EVERY DAY 3 WAYS TO FOSTER A POSITIVE ATTITUDE

Keep a gratitude journal. When we think about gratitude and thankfulness, our minds usually think about Thanksgiving. But we don’t need to wait for a special day to show gratitude. Things happen to us every day that we should be grateful for. If you’re struggling to acknowledge your blessings, keep a gratitude journal and write a few things you are thankful for each day. Over time, that thought process will seep into your daily life. Surround yourself with positive people. The people we associate with play a huge role in our mental well-being. If you’re constantly around people who put you down or tell you that you can’t accomplish certain things, you will feel worse about yourself — or even believe them. You need to block the negative people from your life and surround yourself with those who think optimistically.

In today’s society, we are faced with tragic stories and upsetting information, no matter where we turn. This can quickly lead us to a negative mindset where we believe things can’t be fixed and will only get worse, so it’s even more important now to establish a positive mindset. Though it might be easier to bury your head in the sand, fostering positivity in your life will provide you with many benefits.

But doing so is easier said than done. If you’re unsure where to begin, try out some of these methods to help you get started.

Focus on the silver lining. When something bad or unfortunate happens, we are quick to think about the negatives and how they will impact us in the future. Instead, we should be searching for a silver lining. You can find a positive in any situation, but you’ll have to put in the effort to flip your perspective.

Establishing a positive mindset in today’s world may be difficult, but it is not impossible if you develop a strategy and follow through with it.

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