The Bledsoe Firm - February 2021

The Bledsoe Firm - February 2021

The Bledsoe Firm JustFamilyLaw.com | 949.363.5551 FEBRUARY | 2021

out that your plans don’t work and the action steps that you laid out don’t bring you as close to achieving your goal as you’d hoped. Stay True to Your Goals Through February I f you’re a forward-thinking, hardworking person, you probably set at least a few business or personal goals every January. You may have even accomplished some of them! Chances are, however, there are probably just as many that you haven’t achieved. In WHERE GOALS AND RESOLUTIONS GO TO DIE

Instead of giving up, however, that’s when you should take some time to evaluate your progress. What action steps are working well? Which ones need to be tweaked? These are the perfect sorts of questions to ask yourself this month if you’re thinking of giving up.

fact, studies in recent years have shown that by the second week of February, around 80% of New Year’s resolutions have been abandoned. If this sounds familiar, does that mean that you’ve failed and that you should give up hope of ever achieving your goals? Absolutely not. Admittedly, I’m writing this article before February, so taking on 2021 feels a lot easier right now. But, if your resolutions are currently among that 80%, you can continue to push forward using a few simple ideas. By now, you’re probably aware of the SMART system for setting goals. You may have even used this methodology to plan your goals for 2021. If you’re not aware, SMART goals are S pecific, M easurable, A ttainable, R elevant, and T imely. You can find all sorts of info on the specifics of each of those qualities online. While you’re more likely to achieve your goals if they’re SMART, that might not be all it takes. According to direct sales trainer Deb Bixler, writer for TheBalance.com, our goals shouldn’t just be SMART; they should be SMARTER. SMARTER goals are ones where you also E valuate and R eevaluate. While SMART goals may seem easy to achieve, you’ll never know how easy the process actually is until you get started. Then you might find

However, evaluation isn’t the only means to success. You might find that adjusting your plan for achieving your goals might not change anything. In fact,

the new plan might even be less effective than what you did previously. That’s why you have to continually reevaluate your plans and your goals. What works this month might not work next month, so you have to be ready for that. At the end of it all, I’ve also found it’s helpful to acknowledge that we don’t always set the best goals for ourselves at the start of the year. We may find out that the goal we thought would be good for us actually doesn’t have the impact we were striving for. Say your goal is to wake up every morning before work and go for a run. While that might have a great impact on your physical fitness, it might also mean you’re tired all day at work and you’re less productive. At a certain point, you might have to find a different goal, and that’s okay. Just because you decide to abandon one goal doesn’t mean you’re giving up on success. This month, I want to encourage all of you to resist the urge to quit striving for success. Evaluate and reevaluate your plans, and don’t be afraid to find a new path to success if your goals aren’t serving you as you intended. —John Bledsoe

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4 LIFE SKILLS YOU CAN TEACH

YOUR KIDS THIS VALENTINE'S DAY

Learn to Garden What’s a better way to get outdoors with your child than to garden together? From using tools like shovels and rakes to nurturing another living organism, gardening provides plenty of rich life lessons, such as patience. Understand Household Maintenance Whether they’re learning how to use an electric breaker, unclog a drain, or clean out the washer or dryer, your kids can get started learning household maintenance skills with just a little guidance. Who knows, maybe they will be their dorm’s future superhero! There are many lessons you can teach your child at any age, so don’t limit yourself! Be creative with the lessons you pass on, and there’s a chance they’ll never forget them!

Nothing says “I love you” more than equipping your children with important knowledge they'll need for the rest of their adult lives. Even if they groan about it now, they’ll be grateful for the know-how when they’re on their own in the future. Keep in mind that your home classroom doesn’t have to mimic a school classroom. Research from the University of Utah shows that kids learn best through hands-on activities and play. Have fun while teaching these life skills, and you’ll earn thank-yous for decades to come. Clean the House Were you ever surprised by how often you have to clean your kitchen? Your child may be too. Although your 10-year-old won’t have to worry about cleaning the stove today, they will need to know how when they move out, so find ways to incentivize cleaning and make it more fun. You can have your kids collect

“chore points” that add up to a prize, like an extra hour of playing video games!

Develop Cooking Skills You may be hesitant to have a little chef in the house, but if you’re teaching them how to clean up and stay safe while making some easy dishes, there’s no reason to worry! Even if you’re not a great cook yourself, it’s fun to prepare simple recipes as a family. Plus, your kids will get used to the idea of cooking for themselves, which is both healthy and cost-effective.

PARENTAL ALIENATION

S ubtle T actics N arcissists U se to D estroy P arental R elationships

P arental alienation is when one parent attempts to sabotage or undermine their child’s relationship with the child’s other parent. This can happen through a variety of tactics, including psychological manipulation and gaslighting. Narcissists are well-versed in all sorts of mind games, so it’s not uncommon for them to engage in parental alienation. An experienced narcissist who can manipulate adults will have no problems manipulating young children. Parental alienation is a form of child abuse and may cause irreparable harm to the relationship you have with a child. It’s important to watch for signs of parental alienation and take steps to prevent it from occurring in the first place. Here are three sneaky ways narcissists alienate their co-parents from their children:

1. “Accidentally” having the child overhear or come across derogatory information. Children are naturally curious and will look at items they come across and eavesdrop on conversations that concern them and their family. A narcissist may leave out papers or items (court documents, legal papers, etc.) that they think will put their co-parent in a bad light. They may have phone conversations where they ostensibly are trying to seek privacy but position themselves so that they can easily be overheard. 2. Targeting the other parent’s relatives and close friends. Narcissists often work, as quietly as possible, to undermine the relations the children have with friends, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and others linked to the targeted co-parent. If they can undermine their children’s relationship with the people in the co-parent’s circle, it will have

the secondary effect of compromising their relationship with the children.

3. Asking a child to keep a secret from the other parent. The secret itself could even be trivial or harmless, but the very act of consciously keeping a secret compromises the relationship between a co-parent and their child. Narcissists know this sets up a subtle dynamic where the child trusts the targeted co-parent less than before since they can’t be trusted with the secret information. For more informative articles like this one, be sure to visit our blog at JustFamilyLaw.com/ family-law-expert-blog!

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W ord S earch AQUARIUS

AN AFTERNOON SLUMBER T he B enefits of a 20-M inute P ower N ap Sleep is one of the most important things we can do for our mind and body. It’s crucial for our mental health, just as it’s a crucial time for our body to rejuvenate itself. While most of us don’t always get a full 7–8 hours of sleep at night — the recommended amount — we can supplement our nightly slumber with power naps during the day. The research is clear: Power naps are good for you. Power naps have many benefits. These 20-minute “bursts of sleep” can help you become more alert during the day, following the nap. Even better, a nap can also boost your cognition. You can understand concepts better, and it’s easier to register and retain information. For students, mid-afternoon naps can be hugely beneficial when it comes to absorbing new information as they study. The great thing is that this applies to just about everyone. The benefits only get better from there. Not only do naps help improve our problem-solving skills, but they are also good for our hearts. Napping helps reduce blood pressure and stress, which can relieve symptoms of inflammation, helping us feel better overall. Interestingly enough, there’s actually a subcategory of the power nap: the 6-minute nap. This kind of nap is remarkably good for your memory. It gives your brain a few minutes to “catch up,” which is ideal for long-term memory retention, according to a study published in the Journal of Sleep Research. Even NASA has gotten in on the sleep research. According to a landmark study in the 1990s, NASA pinpointed the ideal power nap time: 25.8 minutes. This average resulted in the best improvements in performance following a nap. That is to say, the nappers (all pilots in the NASA study), performed their jobs significantly better than those who didn’t nap. However, you don’t want to nap for any longer than 20 minutes (or 25.8 minutes). The longer you nap, the harder it is to recover and get back in the groove of your day, and you may end up feeling worse. Sticking to short bursts is essential.

BLACK HISTORY CANDY CUPID GROUNDHOG HEART LINCOLN MLK JR PENNSYLVANIA PHIL PRESIDENTS DAY VALENTINE WINTER

ZUCCHINI NOODLES WITH TURKEY BOLOGNESE

Inspired by JustATaste.com

If you love spaghetti, you’ll love these zucchini noodles!

INGREDIENTS

• 3 tbsp olive oil, divided • 1 tbsp garlic, minced • 1/2 cup onions, diced small

• 1 tsp salt • 1/2 tsp pepper • 2 tsp sugar • 3 medium zucchini • Parmesan cheese, for garnish

• 1 lb ground turkey • 1 28-oz can crushed tomatoes • 2 tbsp tomato paste

DIRECTIONS

1. In a large sauté pan over medium-low heat, warm 2 tbsp olive oil. 2. Add garlic and onions and stir constantly until garlic is golden and onions are translucent. 3. Increase heat to medium and add ground turkey, break apart, and cook thoroughly. 4. Add crushed tomatoes, tomato paste, salt, pepper, and sugar. Reduce heat to low. Stir occasionally. 5. Using a spiralizer, mandolin, or vegetable peeler, cut the zucchini into noodles. 6. In another large sauté pan over medium-low heat, add remaining olive oil and zucchini noodles, tossing constantly for 2 minutes until slightly wilted. 7. Plate the zucchini noodles, top with the turkey Bolognese, and garnish with Parmesan cheese. Serve immediately.

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Inside

Sticking With Your Goals Through the Rest of the Year

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Teach Your Kids Life Skills This Valentine's Day!

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Parental Alienation: What It Is and How To Handle It

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Why You Need to Take a Power Nap

zucchini noodles with turkey bolognese

What’s the Deal With Valentine’s Day Cards?

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IT’S IN THE CARDS WHY VALENTINE’S DAY IS THE ULTIMATE CARD HOLIDAY

T his may be the first year in a long time that kids don’t pass out Valentine’s Day cards at school. Going in to the new year, the seasonal section of most stores is lined with cards featuring fun characters from superheroes to unicorns. Handing out cards is now a well-loved tradition, but have you ever wondered how Valentine’s Day became one of the biggest card-giving holidays of the year? Like many holiday traditions, the convention of handing out Valentine’s Day cards goes back centuries. During the 1700s, it became fashionable to trade Valentine’s Day cards with a short poem or verse. The popularity of

swapping cards only increased throughout the 1800s. Sometimes, people would go as far as to paint or draw spring-like images on the cards. They were much more elaborate than what we typically see today, though they were still usually very small. But where did those folks get the idea? People of that era were likely inspired by stories that go back even further. There are legends that the originator of this holiday tradition was Saint Valentine himself. One story says that on the night before he was set to be executed, Valentine wrote a small letter to a jailer’s daughter. He ended the note with “Your Valentine.”

It’s unknown whether that story is true, but to 18th century Europeans and Americans, it was inspiring! So inspiring, in fact, that the entire Valentine’s Day industry began to gain traction. A guidebook called “The Young Man’s Valentine” was published in 1797 to help suitors garner the attention of their love interests through the written word. Eventually, books aimed at women were also published, including “The Lady’s Own Valentine Writer,” which served much the same goal. These publications, along with young people writing notes to one another every February, have made Valentine’s Day cards an ingrained tradition, and now people can’t get enough of them!

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