The Bledsoe Firm - April 2021

The Bledsoe Firm - April 2021

The Bledsoe Firm JustFamilyLaw.com | 949.363.5551 APRIL | 2021 It’s a Stressful World

BRINGING GREATER AWARENESS TO STRESS

Everyone experiences stress. Many of our clients come to us in incredibly stressful situations looking for help and a way to ease some of that stress. I might be a little biased, but in the many years I’ve run a family law firm, I’ve noticed that when clients hire us to handle issues related to separation, divorce, or other family matters, it does help lower the stress associated with these types of situations. It helps take some of the burden off your shoulders. April is Stress Awareness Month. I bring it up because stress is so prevalent these days, and everyone seems stressed all the time. Over the last year, people have found themselves more stressed than usual as we dealt with everything that’s been going on in the world around us. The big problem, however, is not the stress itself but what it does to us. It can be remarkably detrimental to your health. For example — and as many of us have experienced — stress often leads to high blood pressure and anxiety. People who are constantly stressed are more likely to suffer from hypertension, which can lead to heart disease and stroke. Stress can also trigger the flight-or-fight response, and if you can’t do either, feelings of anxiety and worry often arise. Beyond that, the common signs of stress and anxiety include:

while others only experience a few. Either way, stress should be dealt with so that it doesn't impact your health and life. Meditation is one of the best ways to manage stress. There are many different types of meditation, but an easy and popular way to get started is by using smartphone apps like Calm, Headspace, 10% Happier, Insight Timer,

and Buddhify. These apps include meditative breathing exercises that can help you clear your mind of intrusive, stressful thoughts. Plus, breathing exercises help oxygenate the blood, which can be very beneficial for your health. If you haven’t tried meditation, it’s worth it.

Another great way to reduce stress is through exercise. In the past, I’ve talked about my experience with Orange Theory. It’s something that has worked for me and something I try to do several times a week when I can. The bottom line is that research says that 20–30 minutes of physical activity every day can have a huge positive impact, even if it’s something simple like a 20-minute walk. If exercise isn’t part of your daily routine, you can always start small with a brief walk around the neighborhood and work up to that 20–30 minutes — or more. If 20 minutes can help, imagine what 60 minutes can do! Lastly, many people are able to decrease their stress by finding a distraction to focus their minds. Some people turn to video games, while others do puzzles or build LEGO kits. Some research has shown that LEGO is an effective therapy tool for people with anxiety. While most of us think of LEGO as a kids’ toy, The LEGO Company has released a number of products targeted at adults and specifically designed for stress reduction. Build a Harley-Davidson or a classic Ford Mustang. There’s a lot to choose from. No matter how you approach stress, the most important thing you can do is take action. You never want to sit on stress and let it grow or get out of control because unlike many things in our world, your stress is something you have control over. —John Bledsoe

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Elevated heart rate High blood pressure

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Sleeplessness

Headache

Chest pain

Digestive issues Muscle tension

Rapid breathing

Restlessness

Stress can impact just about every part of the body, including the mind, but it affects everyone differently. Some people experience several symptoms of stress,

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HOW INTUITIVE EATING CAN HELP YOU QUIT DIET CULTURE

The concept of mindfulness has fully saturated mainstream culture at this point. Though it’s more likely to conjure up an image of someone sitting cross-legged with closed eyes than sitting at a table looking wide-eyed at mealtime, it’ll serve you just as well on your dinner plate as it will on your yoga mat. WHAT IS INTUITIVE EATING? Eating mindfully, also known as intuitive eating, is trending in the health and wellness world. But it couldn’t be more different from fad diets or other trends like fasting and cleanses, which have restrictive lists of rules and foods to eat or avoid. Intuitive eating starts by simply tuning in to your body’s needs and cues, but it goes further than that. As a Harvard Medical School article put it, “In essence, mindful eating means being fully attentive to your food — as you buy, prepare, serve, and

consume it.” And that includes focusing on how different foods and eating habits make you feel, both physically and mentally. While this may feel … intuitive ... it’s easier said than done in a culture with consistent and often confusing messaging around what constitutes healthy eating. Even the tried-and-true method of calorie counting has raised doubts in recent years due to inaccuracies in calorie calculations for the nutrition labels and resexarch on how calorie restriction can backfire by changing your hormone levels and even slowing down your metabolism. Kristen Smith, a registered dietitian and the spokesperson for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics, says it’s also linked to disordered eating habits. Intuitive eating may just be the antidote. Singer Demi Lovato, who has been open about her struggles with an eating disorder

and body-image issues, credits a more mindful approach to eating with helping her overcome harmful eating patterns. HOW DOES IT LEAD TO BETTER HEALTH OUTCOMES? Having a regular exercise routine and eating well have long been known as the two pillars of physical health. When it comes to the latter, intuitive eating helps you create healthy and sustainable eating habits. The upshot is that when you eat better, you’ll feel better. Being attuned to that connection is the foundation of mindful eating. Most of us know that we should eat whole foods, including lots of fruits and vegetables, but feeling the outcome of increased consumption of these foods will help you stick with and build the habit.

WHAT NOT TO DO IN A CHILD CUSTODY BATTLE

It’s unfortunate that determining child custody during and after a divorce can easily turn into a combative “child custody battle.” However, if you are a parent going through a divorce, there are several steps you can take to give yourself a better foundation to stand on and make the process feel less like a battle. 1. Don’t hire an inexperienced attorney or represent yourself. You need to hire an expert lawyer who is also a certified family law specialist and understands the nuance that comes with complex family situations. 2. Don’t have a pattern of absences from your children’s life. Make the effort to show up for parent-teacher conferences, your child’s performance or sporting events, and other important events in your children’s lives. Be there for your kids. 3. Don’t be careless in your choice of babysitters or caregivers for your children and don’t let your children spend excessive amounts of time with babysitters/caregivers while they are supposed to be in your care.

4. Don’t engage in tactics that could constitute parental alienation. If your ex-spouse is truly a bad or dangerous parent, you won’t need to manipulate the situation for the court to see that.

5. Don’t fail to document the important things. Keep a detailed journal of any events that might matter in your custody case, with supporting documentation where possible.

6. Don’t be oblivious to the other adults who matter in your children’s lives, and make sure you go the extra mile to make a good impression with your children’s teachers, friends' parents, coaches, clergy, doctors, and so on.

Have a child custody case or questions? Call our office at 949-363-5551 or visit JustFamilyLaw.com to schedule a consultation and to determine your best next steps.

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W ord S earch ARBOR ARIES

BASEBALL CHERRIES CHOCOLATE DAISY DIAMOND ENVIRONMENT GARDEN KITE

COPING WITH LOSS 3 W ays to F eel L ess O verwhelmed Throughout our lives, we’ll all experience loss in one form or another. It may be the end of a relationship or the death of a loved one. Loss, in all its forms, brings grief, and we have to learn how to cope with this new emptiness in our lives. Grief can feel overwhelming, and we may feel lost and uncertain about how to move forward. As we work through the process, there are steps we can take to work through our feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. Talk about it. This is the single most important step to take when grieving. Coping with grief is never a journey you need to take alone. It might not always seem like it, but there is usually someone who is more than willing to listen. Talk to friends, family, and others. Or, if you know someone else who is going through a loss, reach out and offer to talk about it. When you’ve experienced loss, you know what they are going through and can offer a shoulder to lean on. You can also talk with a neutral third party like a counselor or therapist. Take care of yourself. When we go through grief, especially when it’s particularly strong, it’s easy to forget to take care of ourselves. We can become lost in our own thoughts and emotions. Sometimes it can seem like nothing really matters. Staying active and taking care of ourselves can do wonders for us while we are grieving. It’s important to eat healthy (even when it feels like we don’t have an appetite) and exercise. Focusing on other activities can make the grieving process easier and less overwhelming. Take your time. It’s not uncommon to want to rush the grieving process. We all grieve differently, but it’s important to give yourself the time you need. It’s equally important to experience the emotions you need to feel. If you need to be sad, be sad. If you need to be angry, be angry. If you need to laugh, laugh. It’s all part of the process, and you don’t want to stifle or bury emotions when they need to be expressed. Acknowledge your feelings, but give yourself the space to do it. When you take the time you need, it becomes less overwhelming and less exhausting.

RAINBOW SHOWERS

SPRING VEGETABLE AND CHICKEN PASTA BAKE

Inspired by TheSeasonedMom.com

INGREDIENTS

• 1 cup cooked chicken, diced • 1 14-oz can artichokes, drained and quartered • 1 cup fresh asparagus pieces • 1/2 cup carrots, grated • 1 1/2 cups uncooked penne pasta • 1 3/4 cups chicken broth

• 1/2 cup fresh chives, chopped and divided • 1/4 cup fresh parsley, chopped and divided • 2 tsp minced garlic • 1/4 tsp salt • 1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese, divided

DIRECTIONS

1. Preheat oven to 425 F and grease an 8-inch square baking dish with cooking spray. 2. In the prepared dish, stir together cooked chicken, artichokes, asparagus, carrots, uncooked pasta, chicken broth, half the chives, half the parsley, garlic, salt, and 2 tbsp Parmesan. 3. Cover the dish tightly with foil and bake for 35 minutes. 4. Uncover and stir. At this point, check the pasta to make sure it is al dente. If it’s undercooked, cover the dish and return to the oven until pasta is tender. 5. Remove from oven and garnish with remaining Parmesan, chives, and parsley.

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Inside

Effects of Stress and How to Manage It

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What Is Intuitive Eating?

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What Not to Do in a Child Custody Battle

3 Ways to Deal With a Difficult Loss

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Spring Vegetable and Chicken Pasta Bake

2 Easy, Effective Budgeting Strategies

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2 SIMPLE BUDGETING STRATEGIES YOU CAN IMPLEMENT TODAY NO SPREADSHEETS REQUIRED

THE ANTI-BUDGET STRATEGY If Warren’s budgeting strategy feels too complicated, try financial expert and “Afford Anything” podcast host Paula Pant’s anti-budget. Each time you get paid, skim 20% (or whatever your current savings goal is) off the top, put it in a savings or retirement account, and spend the rest however you’d like. Pant’s logic here is that if you tell yourself you’ll save “whatever’s left over at the end of the month,” you’re unlikely to save anything. Free yourself from the worry by saving first, then spend the rest guilt-free.

Paying off debt and saving money are the building blocks of a healthy financial life, but the statistics are dire: One-third of Americans haven’t saved a single penny for retirement, 38% of households have credit card debt, and 44% don’t have enough cash saved to cover a $400 emergency expense. If you see yourself in those numbers, there’s no better time than now to start working on healthier financial habits because April is Financial Literacy Month. Even with myriad apps available to help, budgeting can still feel intimidating. So, why not keep it simple with these two systems you can implement today?

book, “All Your Worth: The Ultimate Lifetime Money Plan.” Some 16 years later, her advice still holds up. That’s because Warren’s approach to money is simple and flexible. She suggests allocating 50% of your income to needs like housing, groceries, and utilities; 30% to wants like entertainment, vacations, and eating out; and 20% to savings, which starts by building a three-month emergency fund and then allocating savings to a retirement fund thereafter. If you have credit card debt, Warren suggests allocating that final 20% to debt repayment before you start saving. Otherwise, you’ll just backslide as interest mounts on your existing debt. If you’re able to save more than 20%, adjust the ratios accordingly. If you can’t save 20% just yet, start with less (even 1% each month adds up!) and make a goal to increase your savings by 1% each month or quarter.

If 20% feels like too lofty a goal, start with whatever feels doable and work to increase

THE 50-30-20 STRATEGY Before she was a U.S. senator, Elizabeth

that by 1% each month or quarter.

Warren was a tenured law professor at Harvard, specializing in bankruptcy. During that time, she published the widely acclaimed personal finance

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