The Bledsoe Firm - October 2019

The Bledsoe Firm - October 2019

The Bledsoe Firm JustFamilyLaw.com | 949.363.5551 october | 2019

B reaking A way F rom the ‘T oxic P erfectionism ’ of S ocial M edia

Collin Kartchner is fighting back against “toxic perfectionism” and the dark side of online social media. Last month, I focused on the negative influence of social media and the idea that many people, especially kids, are affected by social media comparison. This is when kids (and adults) compare their lives to people they follow on social media. Through websites and apps like Facebook and Instagram, people showcase their “perfect” lives. These people rack up followers and have to work hard to cultivate the ideal image. The problem is many young people see this and incorrectly assume this person is, in fact, living a perfect life. That’s what I mean when I use the term toxic perfectionism. A lot of people nowadays are creating the illusion that they are living grand and wonderful lives. It’s fake, but many Instagram celebrities successfully pass it off as real. Of course, the problems of social media go far beyond toxic perfectionism. There’s also a huge problem with cyberbullying as well as cyberstalking. Mixed in with these harmful issues is the time that’s wasted constantly checking for updates or just scrolling endlessly through posts. After all, the developers behind the Facebook and Instagram apps, for example, have designed these platforms to be addicting. They want people to stay on the apps for as long as possible so they can sell more ads. As I mentioned last month, Collin created a hashtag called #SaveTheKids and a website at SaveTheKids.us. This site serves as a resource for parents, educators, and even kids so they can better understand the issues surrounding social media usage.

project is still very new, but his concept has people talking. The idea is all about helping kids stay connected without the downsides that come with social media and constant internet access.

Gabb Wireless (GabbWireless.com) offers a phone and a phone plan. But unlike most phones on the market today, this one cannot be used to download additional apps. It goes back

to basics while still utilizing updated technology. In short, the phone cannot access the internet, doesn’t have games, cannot access any social media, and cannot send picture messages. The phone only allows users to make calls and texts, along with standard features like a calendar, an alarm, a calculator, and a camera. It’s been designed for kids ages 8–14 in mind, people of nearly any age can use and enjoy it. Plus, Gabb Wireless comes with an unlimited talk and text plan. Again, this project is still getting off the ground and has limited availability, but it’s something worth looking at — especially as more parents want their kids to have a phone to keep in touch when they’re not at home. Not only is this phone simplified, it’s a great way to limit kids’ time online and on social media. Of course, it’s still up to the parents to help monitor screen time at home when kids may have access to the family computer, their own computer, the TV, and so on. But now parents can have some control of media use even when their kids are away. Will this phone (or using less-advanced phones in general) protect kids from toxic perfectionism and cyberbullying? Not 100%, no. But it can make a huge difference. When kids don’t have constant access to social media, the internet, and games, they spend much less time less time staring at a small screen and more time interacting with others in person or enjoying nature. This, I think we can all agree, is a good thing, and every little bit helps.

Stay tuned for next month’s newsletter as we dive into the third part of this look into #SaveTheKids and the negative impact of social media.

—John Bledsoe

In addition to this resource, Collin also helped spearhead a project called Gabb Wireless. The

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IT’S CHEAPER TO ADOPT Adoption prices include the upfront expenses, such as spaying, neutering, and vaccinations, that you wouldn’t get from a breeder or pet store. Some shelters even include the cost of microchipping in their fee. If you adopt from a shelter, you’re ensured a healthy, happy dog. With some shelter dogs, you may also save on housebreaking and training costs. LOTS OF CHOICES Is there a specific breed you’re looking for? Chances are you will find it at the shelter. Shelter dogs come in all shapes, sizes, and ages. Some organizations rescue specific breeds, and with a little research, you may find one near you. Even if you don’t find the breed you’re looking for, you may find an indispensable companion in a breed you weren’t looking for — and you never would have found them if you didn’t check the shelters. GREAT FOR YOUR KIDS Having a dog can be great for your kids, and getting it from a shelter can be even better for them. Dogs encourage kids to play outside and be more active, and kids gain a friend who loves them unconditionally. Plus, if you adopt, the act of giving an unwanted animal a new home can teach your kids empathy. If you still haven’t checked your local shelter for the newest member of your family, what are you waiting for? Find a furry friend you and your kids will love today!

WHERE SHOULD I GET A DOG? 3 Reasons to Adopt From Your Local Shelter

So, you’ve decided to get a dog. Maybe you think your kids could use a new playmate, or maybe you and your spouse want someone to join you on morning walks. Whatever the reason, the next question is where to get them. Instead of paying exorbitant amounts of money to a breeder for a purebred puppy, why not check the local shelter or humane society? October is Adopt a Shelter Dog Month, and, if you’re looking to get a dog, here are a few reasons to check the shelters first.

Handling Joint Accounts in Divorce

Keep Records To make sure you don’t get accused of using too much of the

Joint accounts can be tricky. When you’re relying on your joint account to pay necessary living expenses and your spouse turns around and empties it, it can be downright terrifying. You Have a Legal Right to Funds in a Joint Account This is true even if your spouse was the breadwinner and if you never directly made a deposit in your life. This doesn’t mean the money goes to whoever withdraws every last cent first. It means that because you and your spouse each have a legal right to the money, there are consequences when one spouse decides to ignore the rights of the other. A judge can order the offending spouse to pay the aggrieved spouse’s legal fees or return the money. They may also give the aggrieved spouse a greater share of the marital property to make up for it. Get Lawyers Involved Early With the help of your lawyer, you can usually get a temporary protective order that bars both parties from touching the account, save for approved reasons. “Approved reasons” usually covers things like household expenses, so you don’t have to worry that you won’t be able to use the money to pay the power bill. Banks won’t honor these orders, but they should make your spouse think twice before attempting to empty a joint account. Violating a court order has severe consequences.

account, you should keep a record of every transaction. Make sure you’re only spending on necessities, and keep receipts so you can meet any challenge that arises.

Get Separate Funds The quicker you can stop relying on the joint bank account, the better. Open your own accounts as soon as you know you’re getting a divorce, even if you don’t have very much income to deposit inside of them. Use a different bank or credit union, as well. Eventually, the joint account will have to close. And the surest way to protect yourself is to have some money on hand that your ex can’t touch. Keep in mind that having separate accounts doesn’t necessarily keep the judge from allocating marital assets in those accounts to your spouse, but anything you earn or receive after the divorce gets filed should be safe.

For more informative articles like this one, be sure to visit our blog at JustFamilyLaw.com/family-law-expert-blog!

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W ord S earch Autumn

Kids, Cellphones, and Healthy Boundaries Encouraging Positive Communication These days, it’s rare to see a kid without a cellphone. More parents are willing to buy their children these devices, which means today’s youngsters are more connected than ever. It’s become a normal part of everyday life. While we’ve been talking about the darker side of smartphones and social media, there is no denying that phones are a great way to keep tabs on your kids. You can stay in touch and know you’re only one phone call or text away in case of an emergency. Smartphones do just about everything. For kids, this can be overwhelming. They can receive calls, texts, emails, photos, links, and more from anyone who has their contact information. Many parents and educators also agree that phones make cyberbullying easier than ever. The U.S. Department of Education’s National Center for Education Statistics reports that nearly 72% of high school-aged kids are cyberbullied at least once during the school year. About 20% of kids say they are cyberbullied at least once a month. Social media is often the primary site of the bullying, but bullies also use text messaging apps. One of the best ways to curb cyberbullying is through communication and education. When you give a child a cellphone, it’s always important to set ground rules with all phone usage. Verizon, AT&T, T-Mobile, and other services offer tools for parents to monitor usage, but nothing can match open and honest communication. Sit down and discuss topics like online safety. Remind kids that once photos, posts, or other personal information appears on the internet, it can be very difficult to remove. In some cases, it can be downright impossible — especially since any posts that are shared or copied can be screenshot by anyone who views them. It’s crucial to always think before hitting “send” on anything posted online. Additionally, discuss etiquette and boundaries. Let kids know when and where to put their phones away (in class, the movie theater, while driving, etc.). They should always avoid unknown calls, texts, or other messages — and if they do receive a questionable or troubling message, it needs to be reported to a trusted adult. Encourage safe and open communication based on trust, not judgment.

Candy Carve Costume

Scarecrow Halloween October Orange Pumpkin Football Harvest Leaves

Miso Caramel Apples

Inspired by Bon Appétit

This silky caramel recipe is spiked with miso for a complex, rich snack that won’t hurt your teeth.

INGREDIENTS

• • • •

4 Granny Smith apples 1/2 cup raw pistachios 1 1/2 tsp plus 1 cup sugar

• • • • •

2 tbsp white miso, divided

4 Popsicle sticks

2 tbsp light corn syrup 1/4 cup heavy cream

3 tbsp sesame seeds

1/4 tsp kosher salt

DIRECTIONS

1. Heat oven to 275 F. 2. In a food processor, pulse pistachios and 1 1/2 tsp sugar. Add sesame seeds and 1 tbsp miso, pulsing until miso is fully broken up. Spread evenly on a rimmed baking sheet. Bake for 15–20 minutes and let cool. 3. Meanwhile, insert a Popsicle stick into the center of each apple. 4. In a saucepan, bring corn syrup, 1 cup sugar, and 2 tbsp water to a boil. Boil for 5–7 minutes, swirling infrequently, until caramel is a light amber color. 5. Add cream and salt to caramel, whisking to combine. Transfer to a large mixing bowl and quickly whisk in remaining miso. 6. To assemble, first roll apple in caramel, then in pistachio mixture, before resting on greased baking sheet. 7. Let cool 30 minutes and serve.

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Inside

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Saying No to ‘Toxic Perfectionism’

Reasons to Adopt Dogs From Shelters

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How Do You Handle Joint Bank Accounts in Divorce?

Kids, Cellphones, and Healthy Boundaries

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Miso Caramel Apples

The Secret to a Perfect Jack-O’- Lantern

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Pumpkin Screams

5 T ips for L onger -L asting J ack -O’-L anterns

Cut from the back. Cutting the top of the pumpkin is traditional, but it removes the stem, which helps keep the pumpkin fresh. It also threatens the structural integrity of the pumpkin. Cutting from the bottom is not good, either, because all the liquid inside the pumpkin will ooze out. For the best results, carefully cut a hole in the back of the pumpkin. Apply petroleum jelly. After you’ve scooped out all the “pumpkin guts” and carved your masterpiece, apply a little petroleum jelly to the cuts. This will help seal in moisture. The Farmers’ Almanac also recommends spraying your pumpkin with anti-humidity hairspray to lock in freshness. Go electric. Using a real candle heats up the inside of the pumpkin, causing it to decompose faster. An LED tealight with a flickering effect will create that classic spooky jack- o’-lantern look and keep the pumpkin cool. Plus, you don’t have to worry about any trick-or-treaters getting burned if they accidentally trip over your pumpkin. These tips are to help your jack-o’-lantern last longer. When it comes to designs, feel free to let your imagination run wild! The best jack-o’-lantern is one you’re proud to show off on Halloween.

Jack-o’-lanterns are an iconic part of the Halloween aesthetic, but they can quickly backfire. If you carve your pumpkins too early, you may end up with a moldy mess on Halloween.

The first rule of jack-o’-lanterns is to wait as long as possible before you start carving. Here are some other tips to help you achieve the perfect jack-o’-lantern this year. Find the perfect pumpkin. A great jack-o’-lantern starts in the pumpkin patch — or in the grocery store if you’re short on time. Look for a fresh pumpkin with a sturdy, green stem, no bruises, and a flat bottom so it’s stable when you’re carving. Size and shape aren’t important, so long as the pumpkin sparks your creativity. Just make sure you don’t accidentally bring home a small sugar pie pumpkin, which will be harder to carve. Wash your pumpkin. Before you start carving, mix 1 tsp of chlorine bleach with 4 liters of water and wash your pumpkin to help prevent mold. Be sure to wear gloves!

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