Mediation Advantage Services July 2018

Mediation Advantage Services July 2018

JULY 2018

(508) 795-1557 | www.mediationadvantage.com LIFE IN BALANCE

What It’s Like to Complete a Fitness Competition LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE

Last month, I completed my first fitness competition. This isn’t something I ever expected to do. It was after seeing a colleague who transformed herself through a similar competition that I became inspired. She got into the best shape of her life, and not only did she feel great about her physical self, but making positive changes helped her handle some other sources of stress she was dealing with. So, I thought, let’s do this! Last August, I jumped into what’s called a bikini challenge. My goal was to see how much weight with eating and exercise. To my surprise, I lost 20 pounds. But then I slowed down. The balance shifted, and I didn’t make enough time for eating or exercise. I could lose and how consistent I could be

struggled with eating more almonds than my allotted amount. I turned to my fitness coach for support. “Stop bringing them into your house,” my coach instructed. “They aren’t making it into my house,” I told him. “I’m eating them in my car.” But he was right — I had to own that I was responsible for what I put in my body. I wanted to step it up. I recommitted myself to the program. I went through the challenge again and lost another 23 pounds. My girls convinced me I should do something radical to celebrate, so I dyed my hair. If you haven’t seen me in the last month, you might be shocked to see my blonde hair. I’ve never done anything this drastic, but it felt right to celebrate my transformation with a fun change. On the day of the competition, my girls came out to support me. Jamese flew in from LA , and we included Jamelah via Skype from Alaska. I walked in front of a supportive crowd. I was onstage with all these other amazing women my age, and you know what? It was liberating and transformative. It helped prove to me that just because you’re a certain age doesn’t mean you can’t set goals and take the world by storm. Sometimes the path to your goals isn’t a straight line, but if you’re committed to yourself and focused and believe you can do it, you will. When I was cheered on by my daughters, another role-reversal took place. Growing up, they saw their parents at all their ice skating events and sporting competitions, cheering them on. Having them there was an amazing experience, for me and for them. Jamese cried, and my eldest daughter beamed like a proud parent. We have the awesome job of raising kids, and eventually, they turn around and parent up. Life comes full circle. After completing my first competition, I’ve got the bug. I want to keep making improvements in my overall fitness. The competition proved that I could go out on a limb and make a positive change for myself. I’ve realized that I’m the only person who can do that, and I’m owning it. –Polly Tatum

I regretted not following the program to reach my full potential, so I made a commitment to myself that I would do the challenge again starting at the end of January. I struggled to get exercise in for as many days as I was supposed to, I struggled with eating too many Stover’s chocolates, and I

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IS YOUR CHILD BEING BULLIED?

WARNING SIGNS YOU CAN’T IGNORE

CHANGE IN FRIENDS There are bound to be changes in friend groups throughout your child’s life, but that doesn’t mean parents shouldn’t take notice when this happens. When a child expresses disinterest in spending time with specific people, it could be a sign of bullying. Connecting with other parents who have children in the same circle could be a way to gauge the pulse of your child’s friend group. CONFIDENCE ISSUES Bullying has the potential to drop kids into a volatile cycle of confidence- killing self-talk. Bullying may produce external damage, but what goes on internally can be catastrophic for children. The continually progressing, technology-based environment our children live in nearly outpaces their ability to adjust and cope. Children often internalize their emotions, and when they are being bullied by someone online, their distress can be even harder to detect. The best way to be aware of how your children are feeling is to talk to them openly about their social interactions both online and offline. Summer is the perfect opportunity to discuss these issues with your child because they likely will be relaxed, comfortable, and out of school, where bullying often occurs. Then they can approach the new school year with confidence and self-worth. What parent doesn’t want that?

Somewhere along the line, our society accepted bullying as a social norm for children. “How can kids learn to cope with the real world if they can’t handle a bully?” is a common misguided justification. Kids who don’t meet the standards of what they are socially expected to be aren’t accepted among their peers. Rather, they are treated like emotional punching bags for anyone deemed more culturally acceptable. But the life of a child is truly a special force in this world, and just because someone differs from physical, social, or cultural normativity doesn’t give anyone the right to treat them poorly. Differences should be celebrated, and bullying needs to be eradicated. The best way we can start is by making an effort to notice bullying and put a stop to it. Here are three warning signs. HEADACHES AND STOMACH ACHES Anxiety is a complex emotion that tends to manifest itself in physical ways. If you notice your child has stress-related symptoms like headaches, ask them about their emotional well-being. An open-ended question like, “I’ve noticed you haven’t been feeling well a lot lately — can you tell me more about that?” will help open lines of communication. THE PARENTING RELATIONSHIP FOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS FOR CO-PARENTING SUCCESS We might be able to learn something about parenting by looking at how they do it in Japan, India, or Canada, for that matter. At least, that’s what Harvard professor and anthropologist Robert LeVine and his wife, Sarah, observed in their travels around the globe. Over a span of 50 years, the LeVines observed and documented parenting styles all over the world and found that, despite widely varying styles, kids develop into capable adults in all of these cultures. The LeVines say, “We see parents as their children’s sponsors in a social world with multiple influences, setting priorities for the training of young children and selecting the environments that will shape their children’s development rather than influencing that development themselves.” Their point is that there’s more than one right way to do it. It might come as a relief to parents who feel like they’re never getting it just right. If many different parenting styles can contribute to successfully raising kids, that means children of divorced parents are no exception. How can you and your former spouse find a parting style that works after you’ve decided it’s more beneficial for everyone if you’re separated?

By establishing boundaries with your co-parent and making your objectives clear, you can define the perimeters of what kind of relationship you’ll have. Focusing on what matters can bring sources of conflict back into perspective. For both of you, your children matter — you wouldn’t be figuring how to co-parent otherwise. You’re trying to find what’s best for your kids. You want what’s best for them, and that might be having two households.

First, know that while you will have to have some kind of relationship with your former spouse to co-parent, you don’t have to be friends.

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ENJOY OUR STATE’S HISTORICAL AND MODERN MARVELS

FROM STRESS TO SUCCESS

Our team at Mediation Advantage Services is thrilled to have discovered this resource to support our children’s well-being, family first. As busy adults, we are used to stretching our resources and finding ways to cope with the ebbs and flows of life. Our children are just as susceptible to these ebbs and flows, yet often they have fewer outlets and resources to process stress and make sense of their emotions. The effects of mounting daily stress can lead to dysfunction in our relationships, disease in the body, and negativity in the mind and heart. Stress to Success Skills curates an opportunity for youth to learn to reduce stress and develop coping skills through an interactive group experience. Stress to Success Skills workshops are designed and facilitated by expert movement specialists, certified yoga instructors, and therapists with global experience in youth mental health and holistic healing arts. To learn more, visit StressToSuccessSkills.com.

CELEBRATING MASSACHUSETTS

Massachusetts has been at the forefront of much of our nation’s history. It was the sixth state to join the union, and our state’s capital is home to the Freedom Trail, a walking tour of some of the first battles that took place during the American Revolution. All these places were first home to Native Americans, including the Mohican and Massachusett tribes. Today, Massachusetts is a mashup of historical and modern marvels, with sites like the Mohawk Trail on one side of the state and Fenway Park on the other. There are plenty of ways to get a taste of the state’s history and modern advancements by visiting some of our local treasures with the family. If you head to Sturbridge in Central Massachusetts, you’ll be treated to the charms of Old Sturbridge Village . It’s a place that turns back the clock to a time when blacksmiths forged metal and water- powered mills were just being developed

thanks to the addition of gears and pulleys. It’s a step back in time and a charming place to visit for a day. What used to be the New England Science Center in Worcester is now the Ecotarium , a science and nature museum that offers summer camps, indoor exhibits including a planetarium, and a few outdoor exhibits. Don’t forget to check out Bubbles, which is a fun way for kids to learn about how bubbles form in all shapes and sizes as they experiment with their own giant bubbles at the exhibit. Dean Park in Shrewsbury might be just the place to have your Fourth of July picnic. With covered areas and grills, tennis courts, playgrounds, and various trails, you can spend the whole day soaking up the sun and letting kids get their energy out. As the sun sets and the day comes to an end, get ready to bring out the sparklers and give a little cheer for everything you hold dear.

MONTHLY CHALLENGE OWN YOUR LIFE Our challenge to you this month: Write down 1 positive change you want to make in your life. This could be fitness or health related, or focused on your career. Then make 1 step toward that change in July. For example, if you want to improve your fitness, find a program that you are interested in and sign up. Make the leap. Share your journey on social media, let it spark a conversation, or simply keep it in your notebook to reflect on later. You can do this!

This simple, delicious salad is the perfect summer refresher. In under 30 minutes, you’ll have a dish that will inspire rave reviews at your next summer cookout.

INGREDIENTS

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1 pinch of cayenne pepper

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8 cups seedless watermelon, cut into 1-inch cubes

1/2 cup mint leaves, torn

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1/4 cup fresh lime juice

Salt to taste

DIRECTIONS

1. In a large mixing or salad bowl, toss watermelon with lime juice and cayenne pepper. 2. Gently fold in mint leaves. 3. Sprinkle with salt and serve. 3 (508) 795-1557 Inspired by Food & Wine magazine

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INSIDE THIS ISSUE

Twitter: www.twitter.com/PollyATatum Facebook: www.facebook.com/LawOfficeofPollyATatum LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/pub/polly-tatum/15/50/506

19 Cedar St. Worcester, MA 01609

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Polly Shares Her Fitness Journey

How to Tell if Your Kids Are Being Bullied

Co-Parenting Success

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3 Ways to Celebrate Your Freedom

Monthly Challenge

Watermelon Salad

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Take Your S’mores to the Next Level

STRAWBERRY S’MORE-CAKE If you really want to wow your guests at the next bonfire, try your hand at this creative take on the summertime classic. Gooey s’mores meet fresh strawberry shortcake in a dessert that’s as delicious as it is original. Find the whole recipe, including tips on making the perfect shortcake, at aspicyperspective.com/smores-strawberry-shortcake-recipe . S’MOREO A simple but memorable twist on the campfire classic. Grab a box of Oreo cookies, pull a cookie apart, and use that in place of your graham cracker. The cream filling will pair nicely with the chocolate and toasted marshmallow. S’MORES MILKSHAKE Too hot for a campfire? Cool down with a s’mores milkshake! The trick is to lightly toast the marshmallows in the oven so they mix well with the other ingredients in the blender. Get the recipe at spoonfulofflavor. com/2013/08/30/smores-milkshake to enjoy this sweet treat even in the heat of summer. It’s the simple recipe that opens the door for creative interpretations of the classic s’more. Be adventurous this summer and see what great new s’mores you can create! CAN I HAVE S’MORE? Creative Twists on the Campfire Classic

You’re just three ingredients away from the perfect summertime treat: chocolate, graham crackers, and marshmallows. The s’more is a fan favorite on camping trips and at backyard bonfires alike. Though they say you can’t improve perfection, we’ve found a few creative twists on the classic treat that will make your summer a little sweeter. THE ELVIS A campfire snack fit for a king — of rock ’n’ roll, that is. This s’more pays homage to Elvis Presley’s love of peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Swap out the chocolate bar for a peanut butter cup candy and add a few slices of fresh banana between the graham cracker and marshmallow. If you’re feeling particularly adventurous, you can even add some bacon. S’MORES IN A JAR Here are s’mores you can enjoy all year long. Layers of crushed graham cracker, melted marshmallow, and creamy chocolate turn a simple jar into a great dessert! Learn how to make the perfect s’mores on the go at family.disney.com/recipe/smores-in-a-jar .

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Kids are incredibly adaptable. They can adapt to their parents’ divorce better than expected when the right plan and strategies are in place — the ones that keep them at the center. This type of co-parenting strategy is exactly what mediation attorney Polly Tatum teaches you how to implement through her online course created specifically for you and your co-parent. In Polly’s six-week online course, you’ll get effective strategies that can reduce conflict between parents who are separating or divorcing while strengthening your relationship with your children. EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION BETWEEN CO-PARENTS You’ll learn how to communicate not only with your former spouse, but also with your children about your divorce. Be open with your children about what’s happening to foster your relationship with them. And by creating and maintaining excellent open dialogue with your co-parent, you can make the best choices for your children. Polly will show you how in this online course. CONFLICT RESOLUTION SKILLS FOR PARENTS You’ll learn how to establish boundaries with your co- parent and stick with them. The course covers eliminating WITH POLLY’S ONLINE COURSE LEARN HOW TO SUCCESSFULLY CO-PARENT

unhealthy habits for parents so you can lovingly and effectively raise your children. You’ll also learn how to help your children adjust between two households and adapt to their new normal. This might include helping them adjust to different sets of rules. The course covers effective discipline and setting limits with your children in your household. PARENTING PLANS It is possible to handle your child’s weekly routines without conflict when you have the right plan in place. The course teaches you how to schedule as co-parents for the benefit of your children. You’ll learn how to put together a parenting plan that works for everyone. This six-week online course includes one weekly live training and one Q&A session with mediator and attorney Polly Tatum. Access Polly’s expertise from the comfort of your home. Register for Polly’s co-parenting course today at https:// meetme.so/Co-ParentingConsultation . JULY 2018